Tuesday, March 15, 2005

George Carlin's How-To Titles...

From BrainDroppings, by George Carlin.....

Disclaimer: I laughed so hard I almost blew out my sphincter. Beware.

  • How to Remove Chewing Gum from Your Bush
  • How to Remove an Infected Cyst from a Loved-One
  • How to Make Two Small Hats Out of a Brassiere
  • How to Make a Brassiere Out of Two Small Hats
  • How to Have Really Nice Lymph Glands
  • How to Act Laid-Back During a Grease Fire
  • How to Spot a Creep from Across the Street
  • How to Dance with a Swedish Person
  • How to Induce a Clergyman to Grad You by the Nuts
  • How to Milk a Dog While It's Sleeping
  • How to Get Through College Without Books
  • How to Make a Small Salad Out of Your Work Pants
  • How to Lure a Weasel into a Cardboard Box
  • How to Filet a Panda
  • How to Get a Tan with a Blow Torch
  • How to Make an Oil Lamp Out of Your Genitals
  • How to Style Your Hair with a Bullwhip
  • How to Convert an Old Leather Chair into Twelve Pairs of Shoes
  • How to Achieve Multiple Orgasms with a Pair of Tweezers
  • How to Kill a Rat with a Paperclip
  • How to Lease Out the Space Inside Your Nose
  • How to Spot Truly Vicious People in Church
  • How to Become a Total Fuckin' Greaseball

4 comments:

  1. The 'how to spot vicious people in church' only has one guideline.......walk through the front door!

    (not really....but the thought popped into my head before I could smother it and it seems like something George would say)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ooohh!! You're gonna draw some boos from the crowd here, but it's still funny. :oD

    ReplyDelete

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