We all knew it was low, but it just keeps sinking. I hate to admit it, but after a long shower in lye and toilet bowl cleaner, I can say: I watched The Bachelor tonight, and sweet mother of God it was vomitously horrid.
First strike: The new bachelor is Charlie O'Connell...toothy-grinned, mouth-breathing brother of Jerry O'Connell (Jerry Maguire). Charlie has acted, although I would be hard-pressed to come up with an example for you, and even then I think "acting" would be a bit of a stretch. Admittedly, he's tall, roguishly handsome, with a butt-chin to make you cry, "Ohhh, Mama, he's ever so dreamy." But, that's where it ends. As in the tradition of the O'Connell brothers he should simply stand and turn...never speaking...never trying to be funny.
Strike two: THERE ARE NO RULES!! Which is just another way to make the women look stupid, unfortunately for womankind, they rise to the occasion like a moth to a bug-zapper. The show began with the women being beckoned to the door of their hotel room in pajamas. They had a few minutes to get decent and they had to meet Charlie-boy with no makeup (THE HORROR!), and some took it quite literally that they were dragged out of bed. They showed up in pj's, negligées, bikinis, and I'm really surprised there weren't some pasties thrown like ninja stars. Each woman had two minutes of "speed dating" with Sir Charles and there was no shortage of grabbing, grinding, boob flopping, tattoo showing (one just about showed her cooch!), and lap sitting.
Next came the group dates, and the women had to pick which girls went on what date. Obvious recipe for disaster. The claws came out, the furr flew, insert cliche here, and Carlos ate it up. He gaves roses to the most dispicable and underhanded of hooch-mamas. Because he cane give roses in the middle of dates now. NO RULES I said! Oh the drama, Mama!
Third strike: One woman broke down into a fit of sobs at the club after being completely appauled by Charl-o doing a body shot off of one of her competitors. She left. It wasn't the place for her! She's a nice girl, and this clubbing thing was her ten years ago!!!!...And then she came back for the final ceremony and begged for a rose. Meanwhile, the bikini model that dropped her dress in an attempt to speed Charlie into her undies proclaimed, "I've been praying for you to make the right decision. I know I felt a real connection, and I would be honored if you felt the same way. I think I'm falling in love with you." *fucking sob* Ooohh, Mama!
I am constantly amazed at what these women will do for a flower from a loser and a marriage proposal that is destined for the crapper. The one redeeming moment of the show: when one of the lovelies admitted that she came on the show for "the experience" and elaborated on the fact that she meant TV exposure. Finally!!! Someone's tellin' the truth! And yes, she got a rose, and she'll be staying.
I need another shower.
And no, I won't be watching next week!
Note: The Bachelor replaced my real reality show of choice tonight....SuperNanny! Now that's good TV. ;o)
Reading: Heartbreak: A Political Memoir, by Andrea Dworkin
the total opposite: Faking It, by Jennifer Crusie
CD of choice: Eve to Adam.
TV: Everybody Loves Raymond
Head: Don't wanna go to work tomorrow.