Saturday, April 30, 2005

Snow on the Hills of Hell: The News that Proves Hell Has Frozen Over

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are dating. Click here for the gory details.
Now, this is stomach-turning on many levels:

1) Who really likes Tom since he ditched Nicole?
2) Who doesn't like Katie Holmes...even though she ditched Chris Klein. I mean, come on, he was a bit of a ditz.
3) She's taller than him. What's new, right?? Tom Cruise is 5'7" on a good, insert-tightly-in-shoes day. Why can't he date a short woman? I, personally, cannot imagine being a lanky 5'9" to 5'11" and dating a "stud" who's only 5'7". I'm not one to harp on too many physical hangups....but tall women and short men annoy the shit out of me. Tom must have a big dick.

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There's a new article at CNN.com about the melding of human and animal cells. Click
here. This just screams, "EEEWWWW!" and "SCREWY SCI-FI MOVIE MEETS CREEPY SINGING MICE FROM THAT COMMERCIAL!!!" Just read the article. One of the arguments against the mixing of human and animal cells...especially brain cells, is that the mind of a human could find itself in a sheep. ETHICS PATROL!!! FUCKING ETHICS POLICE!!! I consider myself a pretty progressive, free-thinkin' kind of gal, but this is just toooo much.

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I can't find the article now, but I read one today about a cemetery in Australia that's going to start burying the dead in a bag and in a vertical position on grazing land. Now, I realize this could be fan-frickin-tastic for the environment and all...no big metal boxes, lots of space to plant people, no weird chemicals seeping into the ground water...and it's cheap! 700 bucks! HOWEVER, the last thing I want to do after a long, prosperous life is be buried standing up. I'm sure, by the time I die, I will have done enough of that.

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Some guys in Massachusetts found 100's of 1,000's of dollars buried in their backyard. A buried treasure, if you will. They stole it! The assmonkeys stole the money and claimed they found it buried in their backyard. The fucking stupid award goes to these guys. It will be tattooed on their foreheads soon. Right after they're sodomized by their new prison boyfriends. Click
here for the story.

16 comments:

  1. You've seen the pics of the mouse with the human ear growing on its back haven't you? Truly horrific, but you know, once you've opened the box, there's no closing it. There are literally lots of animals with human parts running round these days. The future figures to be very strange indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Andi-

    Wow. Those guys are really stupid. Hell, I don't mean to profile, but damn. Do you think two guys like that found that shit in their backyard? What, were they gardening when they stumbled upon it?

    Damn.

    -Tim

    ReplyDelete
  3. tom and katie -gross! gross gross gross! and yuck. he's just a bad nasty man with a god complex and women keep obliging him. stop obliging him silly women!

    and don't even talk to me about the animal/human merging cell crap. that's almost as gross as katie and tom! if this keeps up you'll get some fool who wants to marry his pet dog because it has his dead wife's dna or something!

    profile tim, profile! i'm starting to library profile my kids and i'm proud of it. stopping tomorrow's pyros today!...or at least being aware of them so i can warn the people whose houses i care to save....you're far enough away, don't worry.

    ReplyDelete
  4. trick,
    Yeah, I've seen the ear mouse. Ugg. I could still sort of deal with that, but it really threw me over when I read about the pig that had almost completely human blood. THAT really did it for some reason. I guess because the ear was just an appendage....and the blood, brain, liver thing is internal and even weirder in my mind...for whatever reason.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOL, Tim! And they stole it from a woman they'd worked for!!! Why didn't they just tattoo "I'm a dumbass and I stole a collection of rare bills from my former employer" to their foreheads?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ago,
    YES!!! God complex! And you know God would be taller, have nicer teeth, and pecs that are not droopy. He needs to be cut off.

    You're right about the man marrying his dog. I wonder if it's happened already! I bet there's at least one freak out there who's wanted to!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Would you like paper or plastic!! The psycho lab nerds are stretching the rope to the 'inth degree with the lab animals. Please let people be people and animals be animals. We are going to end up like Animal Farm if we don't watch it. Stop the cloning A&M (and I think you know how hard that is for me to say) WHOOP!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh my, Val, isn't that the cardinal sin?!! You've spoken against A&M....*gasp*

    ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tom Cruise is gay, which is why that relationship of his isn't going to work. The whole thing is a publicity stunt so he can be in the public eye for his upcoming movie.

    I mean, celebrity couples just aren't this high-profile after a couple of weeks. These two are everywhere. Cruise's publicists announcing things is the dead giveaway.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Where did my comment from the other day go? Fucking blogger!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wino,
    Thanks for the comments. I checked out your blog, and it's great. Love your gerbil story. Beautiful if slightly psychotic. An exquisite balance. *sniff*

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dena-doodles,
    Blogger is shit. Let's all make up bumper stickers and spread that message across the land.

    ReplyDelete
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