Tuesday, April 05, 2005

SuperNanny: Preventing Pregnancies Everywhere....

SuperNanny, hands-down, is my absolute favorite reality show. In case you've never seen it, here's the run-down.

Jo Frost, the hottest nanny on earth (yes, I have a girl-crush), rides up in her swank British taxi to the home of whatever dysfunctional turdlets she has to deal with this week. Problems range anywhere from Mom's doling no discipline, Dad's doling no discipline, and kids with obvious mental shortcomings (like they're sociopaths).

Jo the Brilliant spends a day observing the family's normal routine and taking notes on the most pressing problems. In last night's case, the kids cursed at the parents, were physically violent to one another and the mom, and they even SPIT in mom's face. As we watched, my mom and I plotted all sorts of hard-to-prove methods of murder to bump these asswipes off. My jaw has never hit the floor so many times during the span of one TV show.

After the initial observation Jo the Luscious spends several days helping the helpless 'rents implement life-changing techniques to reel their hellions back into the realm of socially acceptability. It always works. Never doubt Jo.

The parents are set free with the kids to implement the techniques, Jo watches from her hidden location (I think I saw Dick Cheney in the background last week), and then she returns for one sparkling day to critique the parents, troubleshoot, and put a glowing gold star on it all.

Sounds pretty ho-hum? Let me run down the major pros of this show:

1) First and foremost, it's boosting the confidence of millions of parents world wide. Parents are watching this show, laughing their asses off, and feeling like rocket scientists. As well they should in comparison to these poor shmucks.

2) It's really cheap birth control. For those of us with no children, we're willing to go seek out Dr. Claw's Home Uterus Removal Kit just to avoid having kids like that, EVER!

Everybody wins!!

16 comments:

  1. Dr. Claw's Home Uterus Removal Kit???

    I love some of the terms you come up with!

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  2. LOL! Thanks, Os. I chalk that moment of inspiration up to Divine intervention.

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  3. I thing Supernanny is one of the greatest shows on TV. I watched it last year with my little sister, and kept threatening to send her to the corner, or the stairs afterwards.


    She ignored me tho...

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  4. Dr....what?? you're hilarious! My dad always told my mom that the real reason he wanted to have kids was so he could have some that weren't total BRATS like the ones everyone has to put up with every time they venture out in public. I'm the same way. every time i see one i say "see that? If my kid did that i'd (fill in blank)!" :) Just like my dad. we were an experiment. (sigh) ha! I've never watched the show. I have serious doubts that supernanny uses the smalltown Texas method for dealing with misbehavior, if you follow my meaning...but i'm sure its fabulous! i'm just never around when its on.

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  5. LOL, Fence! I kept telling the dogs they were going to the naughty zone the other night. They didn't pay attention either.

    CJ, your dad is hilarious. And no, they don't use the small town TX method. You will see no belts on this show. :o)

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  6. HA HA. After a tough day of dealing with my daughter I love to turn on SuperNanny or Nanny 911. Then I feel like the worlds best mom and my kid is the worlds best kid!

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  7. by the way. I am done having kids. Dr. Claw's pretty good!

    On another birth control note: Nicky (from our book-a-week group) sometimes babysits my kid. She said that Hope is the best birth control in the world.... hummmm... maybe I should send her over some Dr. Claws just in case!

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  8. I also love the idea that there is just no way on God's green earth that i could raise kids that badly. I agree entirely. I always feel superconfident in my as of yet untried parenting skills when i see those commercials!

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  9. LOL, Amanda!! yYou're a hoot. I'm sure Hope isn't birth-control inducing...not like these SuperNanny kids fo' sho'. Nicky's a lightweight!!! :o)

    Clack,
    I can't wait to hear your kid stories. I just have a feeling they're going to be hilarious.

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  10. Andi-

    I don't know. I always catch the end of Nanny 911 or Supernanny (which is the one on FOX?) because it's right before "24". Now, it's funny and all because the parents are always really super-indulgant, stupid pieces of crap at the beginning (or at least at the 20 minutes before the end of the show marker when I tune in). But how many kinds of stupidity are there out there? I mean, these parents are all pretty much equally stupid. And the moment I start to think that this show might be good...

    ...Jack Bauer shoots a dog or something. Now that's good television. Now, maybe if they mixed Supernanny with Cops or something and they had Nanny's chase down crooks who had misbehaving kids, I would really get into it.

    -Tim

    P.S. If you are wondering, yes, Jack Bauer did shoot a dog in the second season with a shotgun. I got off the couch and screamed "Holy balls, Jack just f*ckin' shot a dog. This is the best show ever."

    P.P.S. Dr. Claw's Home Uterus Removal Kit. Can I get three free months of Entertainment Weekly if I buy one today?

    P.P.P.S. Dr. Claw? Wasn't that an Inspector Gadget reference? You sly boots, you.

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  11. you're a brute, Andish!

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  12. Tim, Where do I even start with you? HE SHOT A DAMN DOG??? You must not have seen my dog pics on here. I'm not impressed with Jack-the-dog-killer. He should have his balls stapled to a tree. But your reaction was pretty hilarious.

    I actually wasn't aware that there was a Dr. Claw on Inspector Gadget...but if it makes me look good, then yes I knew and it was a purposeful pun. Actually, I think he was just Mr. Claw. He hadn't gone to get his MD yet.

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  13. Dena-licious...your profile pic cracks me up every time. You look gorgeous, but I can just picture you making that face and saying, "You're a brute, Andish!" I suspect it would involve a slight shake of the head and a creepy grin....kinda like Jack Nicholson.

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  14. Andi-

    I'm sorry, I didn't see your pics of the dog. But to watch Jack, wow. It was an inspired moment. Jack needs to catch this guy who knows where the bomb is in L.A. and his pitbull attacks him. Pitbull grabs him by the leg and in most television shows, the guy would take some time and contemplate what he would do. Not Jack. Shoots the dog with a shotgun. Wow. No arf noises. Just bam. No dog.

    -Tim

    P.S. If it makes you feel better, he was a very bad dog. A dog so bad that he threatened National Security. That's one bad dog. Your dog may, at worst, pee on the carpet. This dog was almost partially responsible for the destruction of Los Angeles.

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  15. I mernember that episode of 24, but that was back when I used to watch it. Got so terribly bored with the latest season. What day are we on now?

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  16. Tim,
    When you put it that way it doesn't sound quite so bad. If it's a matter of national security I guess I can overlook it.

    P.S. I threatened my weenie dog this morning (he had a suspicious "I gotta pee" look on his face when he was sniffin' round the living room). I told him I'd mount his head on the wall if he got any crazy ideas. Not much nicer, eh?

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