Thursday, May 26, 2005

The Excitement that Is Memorial Day

The preparations are underway for our first ever "Crazy Memorial Day Weekend." My mom had the idea to gather my grandmother's side of the family for a Saturday-before-Mem-Day lunch because they never get together, they're spread out every-freakin-where, and they're gettin' older. Since we have the new house, which is perfect for entertaining, and a back yard and sunroom that are equally fabulous for 'tainment, we're doin' it! Heavy preparation starts today. I've been cleaning, but I took a blog break, and I'm trying to decide if I should swim now or later, or now and later.

Last night I offered to clean today and my mom said, "Nah, you won't do it to suit me." *mouth on the ground in a most unflattering look of disgust* I was pissed, so now I'm cleaning everything and, by God, it will suit her! It was probably a mean mom-ploy to get me to work my ass off today. Oh well, I'll bite. So far I've dusted, vacuumed, swept, straightened my bedroom, and cleaned the kitchen countertops. This afternoon I'll be cleaning and organizing our computer room because people will want the full tour.

I also have to pick up a brisket today. We're having brisket, ham, cole slaw, baked beans, deviled eggs, salad, corn casserole, buttermilk pie, cheesecake banana pudding, and my aunt Martha is bringing some kind of cake. For those who are northward, a brisket is a side of cow, smoked to crusty perfection and later drenched in bbq sauce. We had a local bbq joint smoke it for us (CJ and Val: we took it to Ernie's! *shudder*), so I have to pick it up and snack on it before the fam moves in and inhales it.

In addition to the Saturday shindig, we're having my cousin, his wife, and their three kids and another cousin and her hubby, and their three kids over on Monday for burgers and swimming. All of our pubes should be a snowy white by the time we surface from the bleachy pool.

For added entertainment, here are some short blurbs about my grandmother's siblings:

Danny: Former golden-gloves boxer and race-horse trainer. Currently very retired with this live-in wo-man whom I flipped off when I was 15.

Eddie: Former engineer for the now defunct Texas Utitlities. He used to live in a house with a very large winding staircase that made me feel like a Hollywood starlet. Now he lives a couple of streets over from us in a house in front of which a "friend" of mine lost control of her bladder when we were very young. Glamorous, eh?

Peggy: The most memorable of my great-aunts according to the recollections of my friends who have attended my family funerals (Rachel, David, Debbie). Peggy is a willowy woman with a bleach-blonde beehive hairdo, glasses that take up half of her face circa 1970-whatever, and she tries to paint. We used to have a portrait of a horse that looked strangely like a donkey that she did for us.

Murlene: Actually paints very well. Former electronics maven for a defense company with a plant in nearby G'ville. She has purply-auburn hair, a penchant for leopard print and leather, and has been known to hop a ride on a motorcycle occasionally. She dances at the VA every Saturday night and has had the same boy-toy for a record bunch of years now. She's 83, I think.

Bonnie: The most prim and proper of the group, although we all sorta cocked our heads like "huh?" when she started spending her time and money in a hyperbaric (sp?) chamber to smoke out her parasites. Her husband gives off that child molestor vibe.

I'll keep ya posted.

12 comments:

  1. You MUST invite me down for this! I have absolutely nothing planned for the weekend. I could be there within 30 hours. MY family, who will get together to party if one of us even thinks about buying a six-pack of beer, has nothing planned for the weekend. Or if they do, I haven't been invited (that's happened before).

    And my pubes are old enough that they're turning white even without the Clorox. But that might be more than I needed to say...

    Still time to get your picture up!

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  2. Wow, wanna come to my house when you get done?

    You should have some electric streaks in your hair by the end of the summer with all that bleach!

    Your family sounds fabulous! You have plenty of "characters" for a book there. How is your book going btw? I remember you were working on one, but didn't you have a bit of writer's block at one point? I have had a few ideas for a book but don't have the guts to go for it yet.

    Have fun at all your parties!

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  3. Os,
    Come right over! You can share in the food and family weirdness all ya want.

    Thanks for the visual.

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  4. Sure, Heather! lol

    My family is nutty, and I love 'em dearly. Never a dull moment...I'll tell ya that.

    I haven't worked on the book in a while. I've still got lots of ideas, and I think about the characters often, but I haven't started writing on it again yet. Soon!

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  5. My mouth is watering!!! Ernie's is the best BBQ in the whole wide world!! I was actually thinking about it last week on my b-day. My bro-in-law suggested bbq for supper, started thinking of Ernie's right away, haven't been able to get it out of my head since!! Still didn't do bbq, went to the Mac Grill, had cheesecake w/ carmel and walnuts on top, I'm pretty sure I had an orgasim!

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  6. Andi-

    You should blog in family-tree form. Have diagrams and the whole nine yards.

    -Tim

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  7. BANANA PUDDING CHEESECAKE!!!!


    (pant, pant, pant, hump, hump, hump)

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  8. Happy late b-day, Val!!! I've got to write all of you down. My deepest apologies, and I'll UPS you some brisket. :oD

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  9. Tim,
    Not a bad idea. Hmmmm. I could have diagrams for a lot of things here.

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  10. okay now i'm STARVING. the menu sounds good enough to...um...eat...okay. anyway, sounds like a mom ploy to me! i think you've been duped by the wily arts of motherhood. sneaky. very sneaky! i'll remember that one when my son is...oh wait. what are the odds that my son is going to be any different from his father, uncle, or grandfather? not good. so can't be "duped" into cleaning....
    i love ernies too! still freaks my dad out when i'm home and its lunchtime and i say "lets go to ernies". He just looks at me. I feel the same way about taco bueno, so what can i say?
    went to the doc yesterday- have graduated to a visit every two weeks! does this mean we're getting close? i think it might...
    and happy birthday, val!!!!!

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  11. Thank you, thank you. Reverse psychology of motherhood is great!! I don't have an adult daughter to pull it on, but it already works with my girlies!!! :)
    Oh, and CJ it works on husbands too! Dave knows how to clean (not to my standards, but we are working on that) and when we got married he would NOT touch a left over; he know eats left overs!!!!!
    Two week apts., whoo hoo! You're gettin clo-ose!!! Give the bun a kiss for me! loves

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