Friday, May 06, 2005

Flood-of-Consciousness

Sleep eludes me, so what better to do than ramble online? I am at once pissed off, broken-hearted, giddily exhausted, and I feel bloated. This should be fun.

On my way out of the college tonight, after giving my final final, I saw, on the back of an aged Prizm, a window decal that said, "I LOVE JEHOVAH." Nothing special, right?? Ohhhh so wrong. In parentheses, just under and to the right of JEHOVAH it said, "(God)." There was a Bible in the back window. There were Christian bumper stickers as far as the eye could see, yet the person still felt compelled to clarify who Jehovah is exactly. As if the reader might think Jehovah is the love child of Jerry Garcia and Tammy Fay Baker. A preacher came to mind, standing stern, regal in his pulpit shouting, "I LOVE JEHOVAH!!!" and taking a moment out to whisper, "Hey, that's God ya know..."

Since I can't sleep, I went scrambling through my CD collection (what isn't blessed enough at the moment to be in the car CD carrier) and pulled out some Dave Matthews. I'm beginning to feel quite nostalgic since they have a new CD coming out on the 10th. I had completely forgotten that I made a 2-disc burned set that I LOOOOOVED when I was in college with a fast internet connection and no Napster restrictions. When I'm 80 I'll be the old granny with no stories of how she smoked pot and had wild sex, but I shall certainly tell of how I unabashedly downloaded hour upon hour of Dave Matthews Band songs and the coveted Dave-speak. But I digress. In order to listen to the CD on my discman, which I prefer to do at night when I'm attempting to sleep, I had to find some batteries. I have a bad habit of emptying the available batteries with any little bit of juice out of the things around me late at night when I'm trying to tease the discman to life, so my remote controls were drained and out of the question. I was terribly proud of myself when I managed to sneak through the house and out into the garage for more AA's without waking up my mother or any of the dogs. I even managed to sneak back in, use the bathroom, and grab a light bulb for my bedside lamp with no waking. Arrived back in my room, put on the Storytellers CD, listened for a while and decided to try out the other CD. Wouldn't play. Damn burned CD's, you can never trust 'em. Then I tried Storytellers again...no go. At this point I'm gettin' pissed. I frolick over to the CD tower and start poking around for the Dave CD I had in mind to start with, and I can't find it. Everything falls out of the top compartment, and I give up the fight and sit down on the carpet, toppling ass-backwards onto a rogue shoe almost breaking my tailbone in the process. After sifting through the thoroughly fucked up CD selection (nothing's in the right case) I ended up with the Best of Aware Records. A far cry from Dave, but at this point I'm just glad to be alive.

I already know I don't want to go to work tomorrow. If this sleeplessness lasts I may not be able to scrape myself up, and if I do scrape myself up I will only want to throw on my workout clothes and go for a few-hour walk. I have catching up to do. Food, the smell of food, the thought of food, etc. nauseates me, so the diet shouldn't be a problem for a bit. The last thing I feel like doing is smiling at strangers for eight hours. Handling their dirty books and smelling their overwhelmingly nicotine-and-tar-clotted auras.

TV: Trash
Music: Jackopierce
Reading: Not sure yet...I'm eyeing a few things.
In my head: Bitterness and disappointment.

20 comments:

  1. Dave-speak makes me wanna **** the ****** **** *** ** him.

    I've got bootlegs of their older more intimate shows where he babbles more than he sings.

    They're great!

    I wonder how you can do all that cassette to cd conversion stuff.

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  2. I love his babbles, too, and the all-time greatest Dave-speak is the cave cricket story. I still laugh so hard I let a little fart go when I hear it.

    You lucky girl with your bootlegs!!! :oP~~~

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  3. I've found that if I can't get to sleep, I'll have a couple shots of whiskey, or move to my couch in the living room, or listen to one of those "babbling brook with gentle harp and flute in the background" CDs (only as a last resort).

    I don't have any Dave bootlegs. I might be one of the small handful of people that doesn't go ga-ga over the guy. The young lady that I took to see him at the Gorge in WA two summers ago was jellified throughout the concert. As were the 20,000 others who sang every fucking lyric to every fucking song. For me--it was a good concert, and I can say I've seen him in concert (pretty good seats, too). But that was about it. Give me Jimmy Buffett any day!

    With any luck I might have bored you to sleep here. Sweet dreams!

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  4. sorry about the sleeplessness. I've had those nights. In fact last night I didn't go to bed until 1:30 and then I woke of nearly every 30 minutes. Finally, at 6am, I gave up and started chugging coffee.

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  5. Os,
    Send over your whiskey stash and I'll gladly have a nip or two. I could've resorted to my Ativan stash, but I refrained. I did think about listening to some classical...because it usually relaxes me, but I couldn't find that CD either. Damnit.

    I juust loooove his guitar playing. Loved watching him on Charlie Rose a million years ago, when they showed a live performance of him playing The Stone. Just he and guitar. I've never wanted to be a guitar so badly in my life.

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  6. Amanda,
    Today I might just take to drinkin' coffee. I'm in need of a huuuuge pick-me-up.

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  7. Glad you survived the tower of doom there...

    I'm w/Os, I'm not likely to pop in a cd o' Dave... Especially not the one we own... It's scary! He does this scary growly voice thing that makes me wanna curl up and cry for my mommy... It's the "Before these Crowded Streets" one. He has another one, but I dunno if we've listened to it. Well', I've listened to it.

    I'm glad I've been able to learn from your experience at the library... I think I will never ever work in one unless I hafto...

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  8. Kikhwa: my husband converts cassettes to cds, I think he basically just uses a Walkman that he plugs into his comp (I'm guessing in the mic outlet) and then uses some record prog (Nero specifically). Might be able to find it on tucows or there's another dl site, but I don't remember what. Just be sure to get one w/a sound mixer 'cuz otherwise it'll sounds really bad.

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  9. obviously Jehovah (God) didn't want you listening to Dave Matthews...
    I'm out to Texas in about three hours! woohoo!!! Nothing makes a day crawl like serious anticipation...
    P.S. Will you still love me if Sylvia Plath makes me roll my eyes? I do like good ol' Blake, but sylvia just wears me down...can we still be friends?

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  10. *pouts*
    I wanna go to TX. How come Clack gets to go and I don't?
    *cries*

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  11. Well maybe the bumber sticker person was worried that you would be confuddled and think of the anti-jehovah: dog

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  12. You weren't the only one downloading Andi. I have a bunch of my fav stuff on CD's too :).

    See what happens when we can't sleep? We do things like trip over CD's.

    Next time try baking muffins like I did. I dunno, it made me tired again so I got another hour of sleep.

    But I'm not one to talk as you know from my begging for suggestions a week ago.....and I woke up at 5Am with the boyfriend's alarm that he forgot to shut off since he wasn't going in today. Grrrrrr.

    Hope your walk helps!!

    Cheerio!
    Amy :)

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  13. Cher,
    I loooove Dave's growl! In fact, I ended up listening to Before These Crowded Streets as my last Dave CD before I zonked out last night. Crush and Cry Freedom are the most soothing songs, so I stuck to those...otherwised I'd have been wired all night. Before These Crowded Streets was always a favorite when I was working in the art studio...a close second behind Crash. I haven't seen Crash lately...hmm I must find it!

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  14. Awww, why does Sylvia make your eyes roll, Clack?? Too girly/angsty for ya?? If you don't like her you probably don't like Anne Sexton, then.

    Be safe on your trip!! And you won't read this until you get back!! But that's OK!!!

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  15. Amy,
    I HATE when that alarm thing happens. Not that I have to worry about it anymore since I no longer sleep with a man that forgets to turn his off, but I can relate in the past tense.

    I'll try the muffin thing next time! Preferably blueberry cheesecake muffins. Yummm!

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  16. Hey--go check Ago's blog. Now.

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  17. OMG, Sylvia Plath is not girly!! Andi, do you believe she's girly? Plath was positively masculine. Look at the brute force of her language. Jesus, maybe Elizabeth Bishop was girly, even on one of her many lesbo fishing trips. hehe

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  18. LOL, calm down, DenaLouAnn. I don't think she's girly, but I suspect Clack might think so.

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