Have you all noticed that people can't get away with anything anymore without the local or national news butting in and projectile vomiting it all over your TV and computer screens??? For heaven's sake, a person can't ditch their fiance by faking their own kidnapping, can't launder money, can't expose their wee to a 12-year-old boy, can't even kill anyone or set a church on fire without being ratted out by the damn media. What is the world coming to when we don't have the privacy to break the law or make general asses of ourselves without everyone knowing about it?? I bet Katie Couric and Matt Lauer would be pretty upset if they were told on. If everyone knew that Katie likes to dress like a nympho elf and sacrifice squirrels on her homemade altar, or if everyone knew that Matt has a secret Man Boy Love Association stash under those Sports Illustrated's in his dressing room loo. How about Brendan Higgins on Dallas local news??? He hired a speech therapist to help with his teleprompter stumblings and dressed him up like a cabana boy named Jesus so no one would know the truth. And certainly not least, Dave Matthews isn't telling anyone that he's no longer pissy and high and that's why DMB is starting to sound like Neil Diamond and Rosemary Clooney's secret hot pig sex tapes. The media will get wind of it sooner or later, and I guarantee it'll be all over the place. Down with the media...nosey bastards.
**Inspired by the morning news and an overactive imagination. No egos were harmed during the brainstorming of this post.