Saturday, June 11, 2005

Whiiiiine.....

It's 1:48AM, I can't sleep. I've tried all my usual methods: reading, watching HGTV, thinking, tossing, turning, rolling around, a glass of water. At this point in my utter desperation I would normally try pharmaceutical coercion, but it's too late if I'm even going to attempt dragging my sleepy-drooped ass out of bed in the morning. If I'm being a realist, I'm probably going to wake up around 8, call in sick, and crawl back to my bed. At least I know the library is well-covered tomorrow and it won't destroy anything if I'm not there to grace the place.

In the meantime, an enlightening story.

I was watching the 10:00 news the other night and they were reporting on a bear roaming a residential neighborhood. It was shot with a tranquilizer and was in fine health at the time of the report. The kicker in all this: the bear was shown trotting atop a brick wall and jumping down. The angle was from the back side of the bear. They blurred the bear's private parts. Britney Spears can spread her cracks all over our TV screens, people can be mangled and chipped to death on Lost, but heaven forbid the children of America should see a bear cooch.

14 comments:

  1. You're "Dallas-ish" right? Which library?

    What a small world of bloggers we are...

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  2. I'm northeast of Dallas....podunk town, so I'm not at any of the Dallas city libraries. Sometimes I think the big atmosphere is preferable to the small town bullshit.

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  3. Sorry to see you couldn't sleep. I, of course, saw that at 3:30 AM while working on computer issues. At that hour, I might have just skimmed past, but "bear cooch" just sort of jumped out at me. So to speak. Then "spread her cracks". You do have a way with words!

    Hope you got some sleep--I got a little. I'm gonna be draggin' it today!

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  4. Os,
    I finally drifted off around 3:30. Sorry to hear about your early morning 'puter issues. I took the liberty of calling in sick, and I finally dragged myself out of bed about 8 minutes ago (11:00). Tonight: Tylenol PM

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  5. The absurdity of society, media, etc makes me scratch my beard and say "What the f*ck?!"

    Frankly, I'd rather see bear cooch than Britney's. I question the cognative agency of anyone who'd let a Federline wenis plant it's seed into her cooch. Ew.

    Hope you get some rest tonight.

    :)

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  6. i couldn't sleep either...was also up at 3 ish but couldn't even blog because we have relatives living in the basement preventing me from using my computer. damn them! and even a dose of zopiclone that should be able to knock out a horse doesn't seem to work...i think i may ask my mom to hit me over the head with a frypan tonight...

    as for animal genetalia, our telephone commercials for our provincial phone company have talking bison (named things like morty). however, all the bison are female because they figured no one would want to see bison testicles. i, for one, thank them for that.

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  7. Be glad, Andi! Be VERY VERY glad!! Write that tv station a fan letter.

    When my son was about 4 or 5, we were sitting in the living room playing a game and half watching a nature show on tv.

    It was about whales. BIGGGGG whales. Maybe even the biggest whales on the planet.

    I glanced over and saw what I thought was a biggggg rope or cable along the side of one whale. Wondered what they were doing to the poor whale. Then the narration began to seep into my mind.

    They were showing the whales mating. It was a whale penis!! It was 60 feet long. It could traumatize a female person! I was glad I could swear off sex since I had my son already.

    The male documentary maker dwelt at length, so to speak, on it. This was penis envy that no amount of Internet spam can ever help!

    Meanwhile, I'm trying to find the *&^% remote before my little boy notices it. LOL ..

    Suzz

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  8. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

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  9. Don't even make me think about Federline's wenis (my favorite word). I might be sick.

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  10. Ago,
    The bison testicles crack me up. I agree....don't wanna see 'em. There is a guy here in my hometown that has a set of blue balls hanging from the back of his truck. I know you like my truck stories and all. :oD

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  11. LMAO, Suzz!!!!! There's just nothing to say about a wang that long. So many options, so many smart-ass possibilities, but none seem to live up to the wang itself.

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  12. I've determined that if I get sent to hell it might be something like this:

    A brightly lit room with Britney and Kevin getting it on while she talks about how they "like have like sex like all the time and like its so like great and stuff." Meanwhile Bill O'Riley and Dick Cheney are on either side of me narrating the porn-like scene to me with gutteral grunts and moans. And this goes on for eternity.


    I think I need to start going back to church.....

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  13. Amanda,
    O'Riley and Cheney really throw that one over into the "fuckingly sick" category. lol I think I'm scarred for life.

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