Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Angry midgets....

As much as I loathe my library job sometimes, it provides a number of firsts. Yesterday I had a run-in with my first angry midget.

I was calmly sauntering to the circ desk after returning from my lunch break. We have a cart of sale books out front...hardbacks $1, paperbacks 50 cents. At first glance I thought he was any ole man on his knees looking at the books, but then I realized his bent legs didn't extend as far out as one might expect. It was kinda like Dorf lookin' at books.

I twirled to the back and whispered excitedly, "L, there's a bonafide midget out front!"

"I know, he's been here before."

She's no fun.

The excitement of having a midget in the 'brary didn't last long. I went back out front, took my place at the computer and resumed my twiddling of thumbs. A few minutes later our little patron scurried to the front desk, his eyes barely visible over the curve of the marble desk top, and he thrusted a book at me.

Midget: "Do you know what this book is?!?"

Me: "No."

Midget: "Does anyone know how important this book is?"

Me: "Apparently not. They go through all of them before they put them out for sale."

Midget: "This is an important historical text!!!" *shaking book*

Me: "You're welcome to buy it for $1. I guess they didn't think we needed it in the collection."

Midget: "They'll probably just replace it with some modern B.S." *snarf, snarl*

And then he didn't even buy the fuckin' book!!! If someone is going to make that big a stink about us selling the book, they'd better buy the piece of crap!

36 comments:

  1. sooo....what was the book? i am completely intrigued.

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  2. Something about martyrs.....someone's catalog of martyrs. I'll look tomorrow.

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  3. oh! i know what that is. fox maybe? who is it? it is a historical work, but not one that is exactly out of print...he probably owns it in four editions already...

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  4. Fox! That's it! That was my thinking. It may be an important book, but I doubt that particular print was terribly valuable. I could probably go pick it up at B&N right now.

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  5. HAHAHAHHAA....how did you not BURST into laughter? I know it prolly would've been unprofessional - but damn that would've cracked me up.

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  6. Dev,
    I did have the urge to crack, but I managed to bite the inside of my lip hard enough to avoid it. I still have a little dent in my lip.

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  7. i don't think there are tons of martyred midgets anyway. he should've just been glad you were selling the darned thing!

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  8. not only is this a great post but it has the best title ever.

    well done my friend - well done.

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  9. My thoughts exactly, Clack. Hows' the bun, by the way??

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  10. Thank you, Items. I thought it was best to keep the title simple and to the point.

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  11. the bun is fine. wearing me the freaking heck out, but fine otherwise. i agree there is nothing quite as entertaining as an angry midget. how incredibly un-pc of me to think so!

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  12. Yeah I don't get that, as if it's YOUR fault or something. You shoulda been like "listen buddy, I just work here, if its that important to you take it up with so-and-so". Which of course he wouldn't have because it wasn't even important enough for him to buy it.

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  13. That was the essential book? I was hoping it was some horrible book like a John Grisham novel or some book with a Fabio look-alike on the cover!!

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  14. YOU SAID DORF...hahahahah adam TRIED to make me watch Dorf on golf once and i wanted to break up with him ;)

    that story was so good. i loved it.
    i can't believe he didn't even buy it!!

    next stop for you: midget porn

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  15. I once had a midget threaten to kick my ass. My reply: "Unless you have Kung Fu skills like Bruce Lee, you'd better get the fuck away from me, Tiny."

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  16. LoL!

    Sounds like something you'd see on Seinfeld.

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  17. Clack,
    I was surprised by my complete un-PC elatedness at having seen the midge in person. Oh well...it's the small pleasures in life. No pun intended.

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  18. Fleshy,
    You're exactly right. I'm going to walk around with a sign on my forehead that says, "Talk to my boss...she's the one watching DVD's in her office." And none of them will, because they're all posers and don't care about having their problems fixed...just bitching about it.

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  19. Cincy,
    I expected it to be a 69 guide for midgets. No go.

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  20. Corinna,
    Dorf is classic! Tell Adam to send the video over right now. lol

    I've not seen midget porn, but pretty close. I saw a midget wrestling a Playmate on Howard Stern once. A friend made the point of calling me from another state to tell me to watch it. Quite entertaining really.

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  21. LOL at YNH and Kikhwa! Y'all slay me.

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  22. Oh dear God, that is just too funny that he would get all worked up like that.

    Tee hee!

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  23. this reminds me of that scene in elf where the little midget man beats up will farrell because he keeps calling him an "angry elf". that is one of my favorite parts of that whole film...andi had an angry elf in her library!!

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  24. hehehe...
    Midgets make me laugh... I know it is mean but I am 6'7"...and if I tower over someone who is older than me by 4 feet it makes me giggle...Good thing it wasn't me working there cause I would have been fired.

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  25. that post is so funny i read it again cause i am a NERD.

    hahaha midget porn..i downloaded some once i would love to say by accident but no, i was curious.

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  26. Amy-doll, it's scary and sickening the things people get worked up about. 25 cent fines on a regular basis!!!

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  27. LMAO, ams! Love it. That's exactly what it was like. He may have had an angry tall man with his hand up his ass.

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  28. Clack,
    You're the second person to say that!! lol I have to watch Elf.

    R.
    You're 6'7"?? You're a freak of nature, too!! Did you ever play basketball? Are you in the NBA?? OK, enough of the overly obvious questions!

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  29. lol, Corinna! How'd that midget porn work out for ya?

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  30. can't say i've ever had a midget run in...mostly it's been plain old annoying, drunk, or stinky people. and most people don't understand the library concept of weeding, what a shame...

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  31. I've had a few stinky drunkards myself. Today was the latest one. They're not exciting anymore.

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  32. You discovered my horrible secret...I am a freak!!!

    No, not really...just freakishly tall...They call me Stretch actually.

    No Basketball. No NBA. Volleyball and Team Handball yes.

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  33. Damn. I thought your real name might be Dirk Nowitzki or something.

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  34. why do midgets always scurry? like animals or insects. And compared to Willow how cool was this midget and got he have been an Ewok?

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  35. Johnny,
    This midget was not nearly as cool as Willow or an Ewok. He had an unkept professor look about him.

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