Tuesday, August 02, 2005

My Muse: The Little Trollop

Folks, meet my Muse. My giver of inspiration, my heroine of imagination. She's a total whore, lemme tell ya. She's always off cavorting...leaving me at home, no ideas to work with, no genius to spread. She'll seek out my neighbors, she'll diddle my relatives...she'll occasionally do my fellow bloggers...but will she do even the tiniest bit of inspiring for me?? Hardly ever.

This time she walked out in the middle of an article I was writing. She claimed she was just going to take a smoke break and stretch her legs, but this is how it ended up. She stepped out on the street innocently enough, but she ended up falling into conversation with a greasy character and, as usual, she fell for his half-baked lines and dreams of being a big-time writer. I think she's codependent with a few abandonement issues thrown into the stew. Before I knew it she hopped on his crotch rocket and off she flew. I heard through the grapevine that she slept with the guy--some Ethan Hawke knockoff actor who wanted to slum with the writerly types--but she started really regretting it, so she left him to come back to me. She found herself sidetracked on the way home thanks to a bad batch of opium (supposedly left over from her stint as Edgar Allen Poe's muse). The cops told me they found her like this...sprawled out on a table in a warehouse...the card for a topless bar wrapped up in her panties and her pink dress soiled with only God knows what.

And I have yet to finish my article. Fickle bitch.


  1. My first thought was, "Finally, Andi has learned how to use the self-timer! Excellent!!!"

    Then I took a closer look. She looked familiar. Like a blast from the past. More than a passing ship, but not yet a familiar face. Then I read your second paragraph. And I immediately recognized the situation. No, she wasn't with me when you saw her go, but I should let you know that this isn't the first time she's done this. But I'm guessing you already know that....

  2. Hey, send your muse to Vegas.

    By the way, Andi, have you ever heard the band Throwing Muses?

  3. Heard of them, but not heard the music. I'm missing out, I'm sure, from what I've heard.

  4. Os,
    HNT was her wasn't it?? I knew she'd been with you.

  5. andi it's bben awhile since i left smoething , and i iove the fact that if this is a story your genius, if it's true , you have an uber interesting life , either way , your the cats ass for bloggs.

  6. Amazing job on your Blog! I'll definatly be coming back. If interested, my site is on nintendo revolution.

  7. Nice muse...where can I get me one?

  8. what a hooker. still and all, that was a good bit of creative writing for someone who has lost their muse...

  9. Petrow,
    Thank you, thankyousomuch! I've never heard the expression "the cat's ass", but I think I like it.

  10. Christopher,
    Thank you!

    I'll send her over soon. She's due for another romp any time.

  11. Clack,
    Blessings on your head. It just came to me. Let's hope it comes more often.

  12. I really have to trade in my muse. You have one that sounds far more interesting.

  13. She has her moments, Vex, but most of the time I'm high and dry.

  14. You are so damn talented Andi. I loved reading this!

  15. Andi, a wordsmith you are.

  16. Andi-

    It's funny that you have a muse while I'm just lonely.


  17. April,
    I thank you muchly for the compliment because, honestly, I think I suck big hairy donkey penis when it comes to the writerly thing. Lack of inspiration 98% of the time.

    Grateful I am for your compliment.

  18. Johnny,
    Knew ya would.

    Come hang out with me.

  19. hee

    That one got me laughing out loud. now my cat is giving me strange looks.

    heh. I just remembered her name used to be muse before we rescued her.

  20. Brilliant! You are a terrific writer.

  21. Storm,
    Glad I gotcha laughin'. Your cat knows what I'm talkin' about...she's been there!

    Thank you ever so much! I'm blushing now.


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