Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Blather and Top 10 Things Teachers MUST Have...

I'm not exhausted!!! Yayyy! The first sign that I may not have made a horrid, vile, gut-wrenching mistake by going back to school. I will admit, I was sitting in a tutor meeting today, and with each handout and further lecturing, I felt information streaming into my left ear and dripping immediately out my right.

I saw an article on MSN today entitled: 10 Things Teachers Need. Well, it wasn't what I thought it was going to be, so I'm making my own list. Here's my top 10 list of things teachers MUST have.

10. A defibrillator - for those days when there are fights and/or bouts of projectile vomiting in class. Not to mention Halloween and April Fool's jokes.

9. Eyes in the back of their heads - refer to #10, and I'm sure you can think of a host of other reasons why these would be helpful.

8. A censor "bleeeep" - built in, so that when they go home from a long day of wrangling students (traditional or non) they don't offend their family, neighbors, and dog with the long string of curse words that inevitably erupts from the mouth (the result of a long while holding it back....sorta like Tourette's).

7. A lifetime supply of Mr. Bubble - bubble baths help soothe tension headaches and general pissiness.

6. A good dental plan - the gnashing of teeth is a bitch.

5. A dependable manicurist - readily available for the removal of chalk and dry erase marker dust from under the nails and the cuticle area.

4. Therapist - someone to pass all the horror stories and lame excuses to once family and friends begin to stay at least five miles away from said teacher.

3. A pettable dog - because spouses will only let you rub their ears for so long as a means of stress relief.

2. Magna-doodle - on which to draw obscene caricatures of pesky students.

1. Condoms - to prevent the spread of the little rat bastards.

On TV: Michael Bolton singing Georgia (I don't care if he did have funny hair....his voice is like raspy butta)
Music: see above
Reading: literary criticism shtuff

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