Tonight a passel of lobotomized morons with inhumanly buoyant funbags once again hit television screens all across the land. The Bachelor is back and the douchebags are plentiful, darlings.
I won't go through a whole recap of the show like I did with that guy's brother. The moron from last season. Oh. O'Connell. So forgettable. Slack-jawed. You know who I'm talking about.
This year's bachelor is a mild-mannered ER doctor from Nashville (so I give him brownie points for Nashville) with a big heart and a significant codpiece.
The women are as vomitously annoying as usual. The highlight tonight was a woman doctor who actually told Bachelor-Travis..."I'm getting to the point that my eggs are aging, and I'm really interested in reproduction."
OK, so this is obviously reallyyyy screwy on a number of levels, but I particularly love the fact that instead of saying "make babies," "horizontal mambo," "pop out a litter," "ride the wild bologna pony," she repeatedly referred to it as "reproduction." How medically aware of her.
"He's just like every other doctor...so focused on his career that he has no time for reproduction."
She proceeded to hound him post-rose-ceremony for an explanation about why he didn't pick her.
BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKIN' NUT, BITCH!
But I can't imagine why he didn't want to reproduce with her.
I missed Steve Carell on the Tonight Show. I'm so upset. I tuned in just in time to be completely disappointed by Billy Currington's complete inability to sing live. Again, I'm so disappointed. I guess he is just a pretty face and nicely airbrushed abs after all.
Listening to (instead of Billy Currington's abs): John Mayer Trio...."Good Love is on the Way"
Reading: Who the hell knows.
In my head: Cheesecake pudding.