Friday, March 31, 2006

Disgruntled Friday

It's a FUCK YOU day!!!! I haven't done a FUCK YOU rant in a longgg time, but it's time. It IS the day. Actually, yesterday was the day, but it's run over into today.

The biggest FUCK YOU I have is for Discount Tire and Wheel. FUCK YOU, DISCOUNT TIRE AND WHEEL!

I went to get my beautiful (messy), gorgeous, sexy car inspected yesterday and the guys at the Quicky Lube (KY or Astroglide?) place wouldn't gimme a sticker until I got 2 new tires. Well, I knew that was coming, I just didn't want to think about it.

So I trudged over to Discount Tire and Wheel where I was greeted by a very sweet countrified man with an out-of-control goatee. He was cute in a "Yes, ma'am, where would you like me to lick you?" way. There were dogs running about (King Charles Spaniels) greeting the customers and generally making the man-zone estrogen friendly. King Charles Spaniels take all the penis out of a tractor tire. I can now say that for sure.

So I order my tires..."good but not TOO good". The cheapest ones in stock were $89.00 a pop. Whatever. YES, I'll take 'em or I don't get my sticker you fuckers. I sit, I read The Professor's House, I play with the dogs, I listen to the worker's string of "ma'ams" in the background.

$211.00 and 2 tires, a rotation, and a balancing act later, I was on the road.

WITH INCREASED ROAD NOISE AND A CAR THAT FEELS LOOSER THAN A HUNDRED-YEAR-OLD WHORE!

I don't know if I've just gotten used to riding around on bald tires (if so, they handle MUCH better than new ones) or if there's a problem. I really do not want to go back to that god-forsaken place even though I could do with a few more ma'ams and asking the boy his sign.


TV: Tim "I Am Gay But I Am Still Acting Like I Bang Faith" McGraw
Listening: "White Wedding Dress"...Boy Sets Fire
Reading: That's a whole other rant.

23 comments:

  1. So, tell us how you really feel ;)

    I hope you have a much better day today. At least it's Friday!!!

    I need to go get my car inspected as well. I hate getting my car inspected. They always try to railroad me into getting things I don't need. And I have no spine.

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  2. "WITH INCREASED ROAD NOISE AND A CAR THAT FEELS LOOSER THAN A HUNDRED-YEAR-OLD WHORE!"

    You need to go back if you are hearing noise from the car. Now, I'm not sure what a 100 year old whore feels like, but, your car feels looser because your tires have a bounce in them now, and grip better. I felt the same way when I got new tires.

    I don't know if you called around first, but you can sometimes get specials on tires. Like a package deal, instead of paying individualy. I went to Kauffman Tire, and they did a great job (and warrenty the life of the tire). Next time, call around, and you'll find quite a difference in price. This way, you don't feel ass raped by a man covered in car grease with a name tag that says "Darryl".

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  3. Andi:

    I noticed on Elise's blog that you said you were going to buy Maus by Art Spiegelman. Don't. I have both Maus I & II that I will give you. I have already read them, an there are not something I have felt the need to reread so they are collecting dust. If you can get more use out of them I would much rather you have them. Let me know and I will bring them to you on monday.

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  4. Bald tires can be comforting. What's not comforting is paying 89.00 per tire so auto-freaks can have King Charles Spaniels. Dachshunds are far better breeds.

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  5. Heatheroo,
    Today will be better. I'll have cheesecake tonight. And watch something with Jake G. in it!

    Nicky,
    It's not really a noise noise...like a thud or anything. It's just different road noise. Probably because the worn tires are now on the front and they're worn weird and have been rotated. Sounds plausible to me anyway.

    Normally I would've given myself more time to get better priced tires, but the sticker goes out today, so it was do or ticket.

    Thanks for the advice! I'm glad to know the weird feeling is normal.

    T. YESSS! I would love to have your Mauses. Many thanks. I'll buy you a pitcher or two sometime.

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  6. LOL, Beth. I have a weenie dog that I affectionately call the "piss monster" because he goes wherever he damn well pleases. So I'm a little irked with the breed right now. Although, they are SO cute.

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  7. You also have a good point. Armand loves to leave a couple of dime size yellow spots on anything that means anything. I guess I am just jealous of people who own their own business and let their dogs romp on customers.

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  8. I love that your dog is named Armand. He's gotta be the pimpest weenie anywhere. The other one is Claudia, right?

    And yes, you need a business where you can let your dogs run wild. I can picture the bistro with dogs lounging in the windows.

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  9. Well, maybe the fact that I'm spreading your wisdom will cheer you up.

    Also, this is why I use public transport... and get soaked walking the rain. Maybe you have it right.

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  10. Armand is a pimp. He has sired 3 litters. Claudia has a gorgeous face. They would be perfect ornaments for my storefront. However, I don't think that state health inspectors would approve of them in the restaurant during hours of operation. What I will do is let them eat all the crumbs off the floor after lunch.

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  11. Thanks, Fence!! I just commented. Which reminds me that I need to link your quote site.

    Beth,
    Animated vacuums! Screw the health department. What do they know! They tell people not to use wooden spoons....damn communists.

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  12. I read the first story in Interpreter of Maladies today whilst I worked out at lunch. Oh. My. God was it ever good. I feel so...inferior.

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  13. Hope it gets better. I had free breakfast from the older ladies at work. You gotta love that. For once I feel better. I might drink tonight. Life is good.

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  14. I will bring Maus to you on monday. If I forget remind me so I can run home and grab it. Either way do not let me forget to give it to you.

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  15. Hmm. At least you're not listening to Bach. And much fun is to be had tonight.

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  16. That's a GREAT TV blurb.

    Sorry about the tires!

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  17. Um, cars suck. Inspections suck worse -- what a racket! I cannot say many good things about South Carolina, but the one good thing is that they do not do that car inspection shit. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when SC holds the most enlightened and reasonable view on matters of public policy...

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  18. Heather,
    I felt the same way when I read Interpreter of Maladies. That first story really cuts to the bone. She's a talented writer--the understatement of the year.

    Sole, having someone to bring you breakfast is a great feeling. Enjoy your drinking. I enjoyed mine!

    Thanks, T.!

    Elise, tonight was really fun. And I prefer Chopin.

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  19. LOL, NonGF. I've decided the tires are ok. One of the city worker guys my mom works with assured me it's just the difference in tread. So be it.

    Ooh, Amanda, that is scary. Oh well, take the best parts and treasure them I suppose. lol

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  20. You say 100 year old whore like it's a bad thing? May the road rise with you and may your tires be under you when this occurs.

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  21. LOL, thanks, Dale. I say 100 year old whores are fine and dandy, but I don't want my car gettin' around like they do!

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  22. I'm laughing out loud. You have a serious gift for writing. :-)

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  23. My bitchiness brings out the best in me...what can I say? :)

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