I've been decidedly angsty lately. If you're thinking I'm always angsty, I'll placate you by admitting it and saying that I'm angstier than usual and bugger off.
This part of the year is generally tough for me, and it seems it'll be a little tougher than usual this year. I defer details in this forum, but I will say it relates to some sunny memories from years gone by that I tend to reflect on over and over. Some of the best times. For the last few years I've been too pissed off to truly reflect with any sort of objective view, and it appears that the objective view this year is going to be a bitch. Cryptic enough? I thought so. In short, I hurt around this time of year. It's a very specific pain...something closely akin to mourning.
Speaking of pain...Elise and I had a conversation on our last cultural day/play date about those artforms that "hurt." I'm speaking specifically of lyrics that hurt, books or book passages that hurt, and personally I'm fond of films and television that hurts. When I say "hurt" I do mean that these particular works make me cry a great deal of the time. But sometimes they might just shock me, appaul me, make me giggle maniacally, or force me to lose some sleep. They're so finely attuned to our individual perceptions of humanity that they almost physically hurt to experience. They make us wonder how someone caught that little piece of us so accurately on paper, through music, through image.
I'm thinking specifically of music....
Some of the painful songs I'm relishing right now:
"Some Devil"...Dave Matthews
"It Doesn't Matter"...Allison Krauss and Union Station
"Untouchable Face"...Ani DiFranco
"Kill the Messenger"...Shawn Colvin
"Paint it Black"...Rolling Stones
As I run across more "stuff that hurts" I plan to chronicle it here. Expect book exerpts soon.
Too many words
Too many lies
I can't quite tell the truth
When I look into your eyes
I feel I could
And I know I should
Let my feet hit the ground
You don't need a broken heart
To know a heart can be broken