Monday, May 01, 2006

Sleepless and dreaming...

I can't sleep. Twice the suggested dose of Aleve hasn't even touched my cramps all day. I will be so unpleasant in the morning.

I stayed in bed in the dark thinking about the future for about as long as I could take it. Sarah McLachlan was making me weepy, so I switched over to a mystery mix and wound up with Nickel Creek and Alanis unplugged. Better.

I've been making a mental list of all the stuff I feel a pressing need to do before I die.


Humanitarian work in a Third World country.

Backpack through Europe.

Finally get my tatoo. I've decided, after seven years of contemplation, on a phoenix between my shoulder blades and the text, "Quaere Verum"...Seek the Truth in Latin.

The cross-country Kerouac road trip.

Tour Frida Kahlo's house in Mexico.

Be smarter.

Publish.

Maybe a law degree after my PhD. I've always thought I'd be good at it.

Marry and do the kid thing. I'll be fine if it doesn't happen, but ultimately I think I want it.

Sleep. I just WANT TO SLEEP.

****************topic switch*****************

I was talking to mom about the 'zine tonight. She seemed sort of put off by the whole conversation so I asked what the problem was. She said she thought it was an unecessary "extra" that I put on myself when I've already got enough to do.

I see her perspective...I do. But can't she also understand that this is something I NEED to do for the sake of my own sanity? I love being too busy, otherwise I wouldn't be so busy. Busy is a choice. I bitch, yes, it's hard, yes, but I need the busy. I'm miserable when I'm not busy. I like breakneck for a while and then a break. Then breakneck. Then a break. It's a cycle. It makes me feel alive. I'm due for a break, but I guarantee after a week or two off I'll be ready to gnaw my own leg off.

Sometimes I wish we were more alike. At the core of things we're exactly alike...just different interests and perspectives on certain things. She's still my best friend. If we were any more alike we'd probably kill each other.

Listening: acoustic version of "Caught in the Rain"...Revis

P.S. I should find out tomorrow if I got accepted to the International Comic Arts Festival in D.C. I have my doubts, but cross your digits anyway.



18 comments:

  1. You know, I have all these various lists regarding several things. I love lists, it makes me feel empowered and organized. I think I started making them when I was in middle school or somewhere around that time. I have a really long list of things I want to do before I die. I better get to them before the age of 45.

    It's funny that you mention the girl version of the Kerouac trip, in that I was just telling my husband about how much I really wanted to do it the other night.

    Sleep, at least for now, seems to be a rare luxury for almost everyone.

    I haven't gotten to it yet, but I'll burn those Dave CD's for you this week.

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  2. We should do the road trip. And then you need to come backpacking with me. I'm sure your hubby would love that idea! :)

    I love lists, too, and I never seem to write them down unless it's here on the blog. No actual lists exist.

    I was just listening to Remember Two Things earlier! I love that CD.

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  3. Can I come too? E was just telling me the other day about how I need to start hanging out with you more often. For example, when we were all hanging out the other night, I was surprised by your comments concerning my "seriousness" and how that was something you didn't really expect from me. Perhaps we should leave E, get married and move to Utah (I know there are better places, but it's the only option, as I'm already married).

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  4. Sure, Jizzle. You're more than welcome to come on whatever fabulous trips we take. (Fabulous trips not to be confused with fabulous careers.)

    We do need to hang out more.

    You are a jerk with a heart of gold, which meets my criteria. Provo, UT here we come!

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  5. Wow. And then you guys will have to have numerous progeny, as that's just what they do in Utah.

    Remind me to tell the two of you about other things regarding certain populations in Utah, especially concerning blessed items of clothing, something my sister-in-law and I fondly refer to as "G"'s.

    Actually, I think it's possible to order them online. I may just have to get some.

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  6. My sleeplessness started at 3:50am. Baby Girl yells from upstairs, "Daddy!!" I hurry to find her laying there asking me to turn on her music... which is 12 inches away from her. Since then, I check blogs and finally, after seeing your link for months on other sites, came over to check you out. Well, check out the blog that is. Not that you may not be worth checking out, because I don't know you. His sense of humor fails him at 4:50am and he quickly abandons his futile attempts.

    Anyway, read some of the mag and have enjoyed it. Nice job.

    Good luck with the sleep thing. Peace.

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  7. Good luck! I hope you make it.

    (And mothers are just supposed to worry about us, unneccesarily at times, not so much at others.)

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  8. Wow, your list of things to do before you die is far more interesting and important than mine. I feel so inadequate.

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  9. I can't believe meeting me wasn't on your list. I'm crushed.

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  10. Sorry you couldn't sleep. That's a beautiful picture of you. You never mentioned the fact that you're gorgeous LOL Interesting dream. BTW I linked to you and the zine. I'll pimp it out again Thursday when I get all my HNT traffic. Cheers!

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  11. Elise, can't wait for this story. And if we have to multiply I'm OUT!

    Findingheart, thanks for stopping by! I actually got to sleep around the time you woke up. I think I got a grand total of 3 hours last night, and I'm surprisingly functional this morning. Go figure. Maybe I'm adapting.

    True, Non. I'll never understand the logic behind what they worry about and what they don't.

    Kat, don't feel bad. I get ambitious when it's 3am. This morning my only real goals are to finish my breakfast biscuit and take a nap at some point today.

    Todd, I left it off so as not to embarrass you. I wouldn't want other clamoring over me for the opportunity. I was trying to keep it stealth, you see.

    Andy, if I actually thought I was gorgeous I would advertise, trust me. lol Thanks for the linkage and the pimpage!q

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  12. i really do not like not being able to sleep i hope that you can sleep soon.
    love your eyes! :)

    new issue looks great :)

    we are coming state side likely in september!

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  13. Woo! What part of stateside will you be gracing?

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  14. I need to list things I want to do before I buy the farm. Good idea.

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  15. Andi - you definitely have a long list of things you want to do, however, they are all doable and I think you of all people could get to every one of those things on your list! What a fun list too!!

    I see what your mom is saying but I'm the same way. I complain about being busy but wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't, you know? I love the zine. It's so cool. And, I know you asked me a long time ago but if you still want to add my web site link I would be honored, it's www.BeeFunky.net - Thanks Andi!

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  16. OH and if you get the D.C. think you better let me know so we can meet up for a drinkypoo!

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  17. Thanks, Sole. I find it helpful in keeping my perspective on things.

    Funky, I'll fo sho look you up if I make it to DC. It's 3:45 here and I'm thinking I'm not gonna get the results today. Damn them! And thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm looking into the humanitarian work as we speak.

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  18. I have to say. . . love this picture of you!

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