I stayed in bed in the dark thinking about the future for about as long as I could take it. Sarah McLachlan was making me weepy, so I switched over to a mystery mix and wound up with Nickel Creek and Alanis unplugged. Better.
I've been making a mental list of all the stuff I feel a pressing need to do before I die.
Humanitarian work in a Third World country.
Backpack through Europe.
Finally get my tatoo. I've decided, after seven years of contemplation, on a phoenix between my shoulder blades and the text, "Quaere Verum"...Seek the Truth in Latin.
The cross-country Kerouac road trip.
Tour Frida Kahlo's house in Mexico.
Publish.Maybe a law degree after my PhD. I've always thought I'd be good at it.
Marry and do the kid thing. I'll be fine if it doesn't happen, but ultimately I think I want it.
Sleep. I just WANT TO SLEEP.
I was talking to mom about the 'zine tonight. She seemed sort of put off by the whole conversation so I asked what the problem was. She said she thought it was an unecessary "extra" that I put on myself when I've already got enough to do.
I see her perspective...I do. But can't she also understand that this is something I NEED to do for the sake of my own sanity? I love being too busy, otherwise I wouldn't be so busy. Busy is a choice. I bitch, yes, it's hard, yes, but I need the busy. I'm miserable when I'm not busy. I like breakneck for a while and then a break. Then breakneck. Then a break. It's a cycle. It makes me feel alive. I'm due for a break, but I guarantee after a week or two off I'll be ready to gnaw my own leg off.
Sometimes I wish we were more alike. At the core of things we're exactly alike...just different interests and perspectives on certain things. She's still my best friend. If we were any more alike we'd probably kill each other.Listening: acoustic version of "Caught in the Rain"...Revis
P.S. I should find out tomorrow if I got accepted to the International Comic Arts Festival in D.C. I have my doubts, but cross your digits anyway.