I've been thinking about a fundamental truth: you folks I know from the internet don't get a very well-rounded view of me. Yeah, it's a pretty lame epiphany, but it's true. No one reading this (save my friends from "real life") know what it sounds like when I laugh, can enjoy my hickish Texas accent, or know how truly pervy my sense of humor is. On the other hand, you bloggy readers get a side of me that few people in real life do. You all get a sneaky peek inside my head to the things I dont' say out loud, but would actually rather committ to paper (or screen) and not always share. Given, there's still a good bit of self-censoring, but it's pretty raw for the most part. It's sort of like playing hide and go-seek with my id. I yammer away about the deep and the dark and the obscure (or the useless as of late) whereas I talk about slightly more tame/intelligible things with the people around me every day (except Elise because we're existential and bitter). So, I thought I'd share some things the bloggy peeps can't know. And maybe I'll throw in a few that the reals don't know either.
1. I'm deathly quiet in classroom situations. For all the talk I have bottled up in me and unleash with my friends, and that I unleash in my writing, I say very little in class. When I was younger I was berated for being wrong in a classroom situation, and apparently it stuck with me. I abhor being wrong/feeling stupid, so most of the time I just don't say anything. This mini-mester was really good for me because I talked A LOT in class. I kept tally marks for all the things I got right. I felt pretty fucking stupid when I got some things wrong, but feeling fuckin' stupid wasn't as bad as I expected.
2. I drive the speed limit. Maybe 5 mph over. I've had two tickets in my life and BOTH times the asshole cops turned around on a median in order to come get me. In neither case was I going more than 9 mph over the limit. I figure God, Krishna, and Allah all have it in for me in the speeding department, so I don't tempt the deities.
3. I am a perfectionist. In the sense that I totally dislike and get uncomfortable trying things that I think I won't be good at.
4. I dance a lot. Across the room at work, in my bed, in class. And I frolick a lot too. Sometimes there's leaping. It's all very unexpected and makes people laugh.
5. I listen to music almost constantly. I rarely watch TV (it's on most of the time for movement, but it's on mute), unless it's House, so I'm usually listening to CD's or MP3's. I also sing, but not in public often because I have horrendous stage fright. I always have music on in my car, which means I rarely know if I have a rattle until months after the rattle has started.
6. Children and dogs love and gravitate toward me. I love dogs, but I'm pretty picky about kids.
7. I hardly ever dress up. I'm a jeans and t-shirt or polo kind of girl. I could dress better but I don't give enough of a fuck to do it regularly.
8. I'm a Nazi with a pool skimmer. No bug bodies or leaves in my pool, thankyouverymuch.
9. I'm obsessive compulsive about clean nails. They're always clean. ALWAYS. I'm keenly aware and upset if/when they're not.
Dixie Chick lyrics floating through my headphones at the moment:
And I want
Somehow to believe
In the choice
Am I better off this way?
I can hear the voice inside my head
Saying you should be with me instead
Every time I'm feeling down
What would it be like with you around
I think I'm about to do the unthinkable: go to bed at 10:13.