Monday, June 05, 2006

Pay no attention to the nut behind the curtain...

I've been thinking about a fundamental truth: you folks I know from the internet don't get a very well-rounded view of me. Yeah, it's a pretty lame epiphany, but it's true. No one reading this (save my friends from "real life") know what it sounds like when I laugh, can enjoy my hickish Texas accent, or know how truly pervy my sense of humor is. On the other hand, you bloggy readers get a side of me that few people in real life do. You all get a sneaky peek inside my head to the things I dont' say out loud, but would actually rather committ to paper (or screen) and not always share. Given, there's still a good bit of self-censoring, but it's pretty raw for the most part. It's sort of like playing hide and go-seek with my id. I yammer away about the deep and the dark and the obscure (or the useless as of late) whereas I talk about slightly more tame/intelligible things with the people around me every day (except Elise because we're existential and bitter). So, I thought I'd share some things the bloggy peeps can't know. And maybe I'll throw in a few that the reals don't know either.

1. I'm deathly quiet in classroom situations. For all the talk I have bottled up in me and unleash with my friends, and that I unleash in my writing, I say very little in class. When I was younger I was berated for being wrong in a classroom situation, and apparently it stuck with me. I abhor being wrong/feeling stupid, so most of the time I just don't say anything. This mini-mester was really good for me because I talked A LOT in class. I kept tally marks for all the things I got right. I felt pretty fucking stupid when I got some things wrong, but feeling fuckin' stupid wasn't as bad as I expected.

2. I drive the speed limit. Maybe 5 mph over. I've had two tickets in my life and BOTH times the asshole cops turned around on a median in order to come get me. In neither case was I going more than 9 mph over the limit. I figure God, Krishna, and Allah all have it in for me in the speeding department, so I don't tempt the deities.

3. I am a perfectionist. In the sense that I totally dislike and get uncomfortable trying things that I think I won't be good at.

4. I dance a lot. Across the room at work, in my bed, in class. And I frolick a lot too. Sometimes there's leaping. It's all very unexpected and makes people laugh.

5. I listen to music almost constantly. I rarely watch TV (it's on most of the time for movement, but it's on mute), unless it's House, so I'm usually listening to CD's or MP3's. I also sing, but not in public often because I have horrendous stage fright. I always have music on in my car, which means I rarely know if I have a rattle until months after the rattle has started.

6. Children and dogs love and gravitate toward me. I love dogs, but I'm pretty picky about kids.

7. I hardly ever dress up. I'm a jeans and t-shirt or polo kind of girl. I could dress better but I don't give enough of a fuck to do it regularly.

8. I'm a Nazi with a pool skimmer. No bug bodies or leaves in my pool, thankyouverymuch.

9. I'm obsessive compulsive about clean nails. They're always clean. ALWAYS. I'm keenly aware and upset if/when they're not.

Dixie Chick lyrics floating through my headphones at the moment:

And I want

I need
Somehow to believe
In the choice
I made
Am I better off this way?

I can hear the voice inside my head
Saying you should be with me instead
Every time I'm feeling down
I wonder
What would it be like with you around

I think I'm about to do the unthinkable: go to bed at 10:13.


  1. I love to read these type of lists. Thanks for sharing

  2. Glad you liked, Bookgirl. And I'm happy to report that it's now 10:34 and I did NOT go to bed at 10:13. Wheww!

  3. WC, yess!!! It's luscious. That particular song is not terribly deep lyrically, but musically it's fantastic. Co-written with Linda Perry of 4 Non-Blondes.

  4. Thanks for the glimpse into you. Though I didn't really read anything that surprised me. Except the speed limit thing. I'm a little disappointed there.

    Now get to bed!

  5. I'm of the belief that very few people really know anyone else. We just know people in a specific setting and how they are there. Obviously the closer we are to someone the more setting we see them in and get to know them in a different way.

    But your non-talking in class means you'd fit in well over here. Most Irish people don't talk in class, well, don't talk to the teacher/class as a whole anyways. There are the odd few people who will, or we get forced into class participation in certain circumstances, but generally it isn't something that we do.

  6. You are definitely a Nazi with the pool skimmer. I had a good time at the pool yesterday.

    I love getting to know these little nuances and quirks about people.

  7. oh to have a pool - will just have to make do with a bucket of water and a good imagination instead

  8. Os, I know, the speed limit used to simply be a suggestion to me, but I have no money that isn't earmarked for student loans, so I have to lay off the pleasure speeding. Such is life I suppose. Damn responsibility.

    Fence, I agree. We never really know one another, but I thought it'd be nice to share some of the quirky crap I do on a regular basis. There's a lot I'm forgetting--amazing how it all flies out of the head when it's time to put it on paper. And for the non-talking in class thing, over here's it's expected. Painfully so. If you don't discuss with the professor and the class people think you're slow. Well, maybe not really, but it's helpful to suck it up and do it.

    Elise, me too. Quirks are what life is made of.

    AMS, I hear ya. It was just me and my bucket up until last year.

  9. Loved your post, Andi. Since I seem to watch obscure movies and read obscure books, I now know it's your taste for obscurity that draws me :))).

    Agree with Fence about people only knowing each other in given circumstances. Every time I think of doing a more personal blog I can't decide who would be more shocked to read it: the people I know in rl or the people I know in vl. LOL! But I still feel I'm being who I am in both places :)

  10. Dear Lord! You have a pool! Lucky beeyatch...

    I agree about the doing-things-you're-not-good-at thing. I get so paranoid I'll be bad at something I just won't do it.

    Like my boyfriend is trying to convince me to let him teach me the guitar. Like that's ever gonna happen. I just don't think I could handle being shite at it before I got good.

  11. Great list. I hold back a lot too. Well, sometimes. If something is really bothering me, I usually let it all hang out. But most of the time I'm pretty reserved too. Unless someone is dying. Heh.

    I was always quiet in classroom situations. Too shy I guess.

    I'm a speed demon. I freely admit it. I've tried to change, but there is no changing this lead foot.

    I'm a cat person myself. I hate dogs. They smell.

    I am totally a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl. I'm SO uncomfortable in anything else. And I always feel like people are...I dunno...watching me or something if I wear anything else.

    I have to have clean, non-bitten nails at all times. Ellie has just started biting her nails (for Godsakes she's only 2! GRR!) and it's driving me crazy.

  12. Suzz, yay for obscurity! And if you ever start another blog, lemme know. I love reading anything you write.

    GG, I struggle with the whole "don't wanna try it because I'm not good at it" thing. I've pretty much accepted that I'm incredibly hard on myself and a perfectionist, but somehow the "I can't try it if I won't be good" thing strikes me as arrogant. I don't want to be arrogant! I certainly wouldn't hold anyone else to the insane standards to which I try to adhere. Maybe I need drugs.

    Heather, that whole string of commenting made me giggle. I love the way you put things and we're so alike (I WANT to have a lead foot). Does Aaron bite his nails? I've noticed so many men do that, and that's bizarre to me. I don't know why, but I'd think they'd just peel 'em or cut 'em.

  13. God Andi, he bites them until they bleed. It's so nasty

  14. Thanks for visiting my blog! Your's is great, and I'm really looking forward to new book ideas. It's great to meet another Texan, too.

  15. Purl! Welcome! It is always good to meet another Texan, isn't it? This summer reading challenge is likely to blow my "to be read" stacks up to new highs, and I still won't have time to read 'em!

  16. As for the speeding thing and gods- get with the Goddess instead (insert Mike Myers two thumbs up with geeky smile from Wayne's World).
    Wow, I am feeling a sense of power right now because I know you, not in the biblical sense haha, (although I'm still digging those eye brows), both in person and virtually. Folks, I can attest that Andi is lovely in both worlds.

  17. Awww, Fem! Thank you for saying I'm lovely. Os told me I was "quite presentable" last night on MSN Messenger and I'm not quite sure how to take it. :P

    How's your summer? Back in the WC when?

  18. I have msn but have no idea how to use it. I didn't know you had it too!

  19. I do! I use MSN and AOL instant messenger most of the time. Lemme know if you decide to use either and we'll chat!

  20. I just have MSN. I had AOL but it kept fucking with my computer so I finally chucked it. If I could figure out how to add you/find you I'd do it!

  21. "Quite presentable" is the gentleman's way of saying that you're just damned hot!

  22. Heatheroo,
    I sent ya an email 'bout it!

    Good save, Os! I'm kidding you know. :)

  23. (1) Funny. You don't write with a Texas accent.

    (2) I guess being harsh on your supposed "stupidity" is one more mark of perfectionism in you. Don't sweat it. You can't hit it over the wall without striking out a lot too.

    (3) I've driven in Texas, so I find it hard to believe a cop pulled you over for going nine mph over the speed limit. I didn't see anyone going that slow when I was down there, and that's including city traffic:-)

  24. X,
    It slips sometimes even in writin'.

    Those tickets were freakish. The first one was on a TX highway as opposed to the interstate. Easier to catch, no "flow of traffic." The other ticket was in NC. They're just mean.

  25. As one of your "bloggy peeps", thanks for the glimpse into the 'real' you!
    I can relate to being quiet in the classroom (obviously when I was a student, not as a teacher, anyway..), that not wanting to say anything stupid fear. But then I'm the type of person who thinks up witty retorts long after the topic has changed! :P
    And the driving. I used to be a real speed demon, but alas, I tend to drive near the limit now. (sigh)

  26. T., being quiet in class must be a sign of brilliance. There seems to be a theme here. :) And I was a big honkin' speed demon in my younger days. I still am occasionally, but most of the time..ho-hum...I act like a decent driving citizen.


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