Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Happy 4th of July...

July 4th is a bittersweet day at my house. As most of you know, my grandfather passed away in 2002. July 4th is his birthday. It's been almost four years since he passed away, I don't go to his gravesite as much anymore, I don't cry as much. I still think of him all the time, and there are reminders of him everywhere. His desk in our living room, this picture on a table, his class ring in my jewelry box.

Our family hasn't been the same since he and my grandmother died. We used to get together weekly, but now it's every few months. We keep in touch, but we don't see each other as much. Kevin's kids are 15, 11, and 8. Which makes me feel really old. Kevin is my cousin, but we grew up in my grandparents' house...much like a brother and sister. His kids are at that age where they're steeped in activities--Magan playing sports, Miranda playing all the sports Magan plays, and Mikel is driving (horror of horrors!).

Today was one of the best days we've all had in a very long time. Everyone was in a good mood, plenty to talk about, to laugh about. For some reason, this year, Miranda (the youngest) has been really excited that the 4th was my grandpa's birthday. It's in her mind moreso this year than before. When they arrived, Mom said something about our meal of bbq being a tribute to "Dadoo" since it's what he always cooked for our 4th of July celebrations. Miranda was sitting in the living room, kneeling by the coffee table, almost ready to dig into her bbq sandwich when Mom made this declaration.

She was quiet, a little timid, which she never is. And she looked up and said, "Thank you." A thank you for our celebration of not only the 4th of July, but all that it's represented for our family in the past. For the celebration of my grandfather. I'm so glad they can remember my grandparents. Especially Miranda, as she's the youngest and was only four when they passed.

At that moment, I felt like he was in the room. And it wasn't sad, and it wasn't mournful. It was a warmth in our house again.

We can finally celebrate.


  1. Glad you had a good day with the family.

  2. I am so...thankful...that you are finding healing and comfort, especially on such a special day.

    *hugs to you*

  3. awwwww that is really sweet.

    the 4th is hard for us as well because my dad always enjoyed it so much. *sigh*

  4. Awww, Cold. I hope it went OK. Big hugs for you.

  5. Beautiful story, Andi. Glad you had a good 4th.

  6. I'm happy that you had a good 4th and I'm sad that you miss your grandfather. I know the feeling about things changing when someone that important passes away.

  7. Sometimes it takes awhile. One of my grandfathers passed away on my 21st birthday, and the other died a week before Christmas the same year. It took awhile not to associate two of my most heartbreaking days with two of the most heartwarming days of the year. But it happens eventually.

    Glad to hear you and yours had a Happy 4th of July.

  8. ((HUGS))

    Andi - I'm glad you can celebrate your grandfather instead of mourning him. I don't think it ever really gets easier. I was very close with my grandfather too, the way you seem to have been with yours, and I will always miss him. I guess at some point the sadness in our hearts will just be less and less as time goes on.

  9. Thanks, Heather!

    Sole, it definitely puts a cloud over things, but time certainly helps.

    Thanks, X. :)

    Funky, that's true. It never really gets better, but I think the raw pain of it becomes more sporadic. The big days don't hurt as much anymore, but I can burst into tears because of nothing. Ya know? Odd how the patterns change.

  10. The 4th makes me think of my grandpa too...he was a WWII soldier and he was also the only one in the family that thought us kids needed fireworks. Since he has passed away, my family has never bought our own fireworks to show off. Now we watch everyone elses or not at all...sad. Happy HNT!

  11. I am happy for you that you can finally celebrate and enjoy the day


  12. YOu got me all weepy here Andi. I'm glad the pain and strain are starting to subside ... at least for this day. Great post. HHNT to you and happy 4th. God Bless you.

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