Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Complete and utter spaz attack....

Notice: This post is chock full of bitchery. I know I brought it on myself, but shuddup.

It's days like these, when I've been grading papers for 2 hours--and can only see a long day of shit spread out before me that won't end before 8 or 9pm-- that I wonder why I'm in this field. I'm 25, I live at home, I work two jobs--roughly 60 hours a week including schoolwork and all the bullshit I do from home, and I make no money. While other people are buying houses, going out, reading, getting married, havin' babies, taking vacations, etc. I'm wound so tight over my thesis that if you stuffed me full of coal you'd have an assload of diamonds in roughly 3 days. My future success lies with a handful of professors and the decision of a few PhD admissions committees.

I'm out of Excedrin, I feel myself winding down, and I wanna throw something. No Zoloft in the house, no alcohol in the house that's legal to drink according to South Beach, some Ativan but I don't have time to go to sleep. St. John's Wart! Nature's tranquilizer. Comere, babies!

To do this week:
Write the review for the journal (totally blocked up because I know nothing about multi-ethnic lit)
Draft my thesis proposal (no problem, just another 15 pages!)
Grade another 80 essays plus the ones from the jc (knocked off 40 position papers this morning but there's always more to do)
Read the chapters my classes are discussing tomorrow
Get a chunk read for a class review that's due next week
Do stuff for the conference we're throwing
Smile...lest people think I'm stressed out or unfriendly. God forbid.

Listening: The Killers...because Hot Fuss is the best album I've heard in 5 years.

13 comments:

  1. Don't forget that the critical book review is due next week in Susan's class.

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  2. Most people I know are older than 25 (by a whole two years. It makes a difference, honest *g*) and very few are married/engaged/babied up in life.

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  3. Beth, yeah. Haven't started the book yet. Ugg!

    Fence, I don't really wanna be babied/married yet, but money would be a plus.

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  4. damn straight you had better not let anybody think you are stressed out or unfriendly...

    sounds like you are in the exact spot I was in last week.

    good luck. think of the Brit, that should make you smile

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  5. Andi,

    I'm way over 25, was married at 19, had a baby by 22 and had to commute back to school for my B.S. with a kid in tow. My husband yanked the rug out from under me at 24, just after I took the GMAT and signed up for the master's program and right there pretty much ended my aspirations (no affordable higher education within 3 hours' drive; knew nobody to babysit for a couple years and then discovered nobody was reliable) when he moved us to Mississippi. Gawd. I want your life. I know it can be a real bummer living at home (that's part of the reason I let the fellow talk me into marrying - I wanted out!) but please trust me when I say you are SO DOING IT IN THE RIGHT ORDER!!!

    And, I wish you strength. You know my hubby has 3 degrees and I understand the work load; it's intense. I wish you sleep and patience.

    ((((HUGS))))

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  6. Actually, I've learned the hard way to take time writing the thesis proposal. The goal is to so define your topic in the proposal that the actual thesis will be about the same length--fifteen pages.

    Do it like me, and it will take you years to finish.

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  7. I know what you mean. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed myself.

    The critical book review took me by surprise today. However, I did manage to read and finish Monster after class tonight.

    I think it's supposed to rain pretty much all week. These kinds of days just make me want to stay in bed and not get up.

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  8. Have you heard the new Killer's cd? I think it's hilarious that they called it Sam's Town, after a sorta crappy casino in Las Vegas, but I'm not crazy about the new single.

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  9. Oh Andi, I'm so sorry that you are so busy and bummed! I have to admit, sometimes when you list all the things that you have to do it makes me extremely anxious, like when I was in school, had lots of assignments due and hadn't even started the load. BUT, you are a different beast. You thrive off of this stuff. It's what you love, it's what you do. Just remember that when you're doing these things they are paving the way for a great future for you. It could be worse. You could be heading towards a future behind a desk at a company or career path that you don't like or want. THese are the things that make you a better person Andi. It will all pay off!

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  10. Cold, it does make me smile! Then I get all paranoid. Oi!

    Thanks, Nancy. It's just overwhelming sometimes having so little life outside the school/work sphere. I'll live, I just have to bitch too.

    X, I only have til next Wednesday. I hope that's time enough!

    Elise, sadly no rain today. Damnit all to hell. I need to read my book for the review. And write D-rock's fuckin' review that I'm having absolutely no luck with. I'll be into the office tomorrow, so I might need to bounce ideas off ya.

    Toddsky, I did hear the new single but I remember absolutely nothing about it. Planning to buy the new cd soon. Maybe tomorrow.

    Thanks, Funky. You're so sweet. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and anxious, but if I can get through October things should calm down.

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  11. The Killer's single [When You Were Young] is fantastic...it took a few listens to really grow on me, though. I believe the Sam's Town casino is where they got their start.

    Chin up Andi. The world can't shit on you forever!

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  12. Yup, having the money is an ambition of mine as well :)

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  13. Hey andi-

    If you were a whale, wouldya humpback?

    :P

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