Here I am at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon, sitting in my office crying.
The conference went off with a few hitches but nothing major. In a little while I have to go to the evening reception then drive one of the presenters back to Dallas. I'm gonna pick up my mom on the way for company because this lady is a douchebag.
I'm so emotionally drained right now that I just want to crawl under a rock.
On top of the exhaustion, the Barrister finally e-mailed back to break the bad news that he met someone else from Match around the same time he met me and they "hit it off in a big way" and will be going exclusive. He would like to go out as friends sometime. Yadda yadda.
While most of you may assume I'm crying and broken up because I liked him, the honest truth is that I'm crying because I didn't feel that strong connection with him that I had hoped. I came home from date two rather disappointed (thus the lack of details on the blog). I hoped we might go out again and hit it off better--or that I might actually feel something for him. While I will remain friends with him and would like to go out on a friendly basis sometime, it's just a reminder that another one bites the dust and I'm still dangling out here, feeling like an ousider, more devoted to my work than human contact, and I'm fucking lonely. What I did like about him was the fact that he was also passionate about his work, and he even had a healthy respect for my work in academia. That's about as far as it went. What I miss about a relationship is the "best friend" factor. Having someone around who knows you, or at least wants to get to know as much as they can. I don't expect someone to "complete me" as sappy movies are so fond of these days, but just someone who respects and admires me. And who laughs with me and wants to be a presence in my life. The Barrister didn't give me that best friend type of feeling.