Friday, October 20, 2006

Drained

Here I am at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon, sitting in my office crying.

The conference went off with a few hitches but nothing major. In a little while I have to go to the evening reception then drive one of the presenters back to Dallas. I'm gonna pick up my mom on the way for company because this lady is a douchebag.

I'm so emotionally drained right now that I just want to crawl under a rock.

On top of the exhaustion, the Barrister finally e-mailed back to break the bad news that he met someone else from Match around the same time he met me and they "hit it off in a big way" and will be going exclusive. He would like to go out as friends sometime. Yadda yadda.

While most of you may assume I'm crying and broken up because I liked him, the honest truth is that I'm crying because I didn't feel that strong connection with him that I had hoped. I came home from date two rather disappointed (thus the lack of details on the blog). I hoped we might go out again and hit it off better--or that I might actually feel something for him. While I will remain friends with him and would like to go out on a friendly basis sometime, it's just a reminder that another one bites the dust and I'm still dangling out here, feeling like an ousider, more devoted to my work than human contact, and I'm fucking lonely. What I did like about him was the fact that he was also passionate about his work, and he even had a healthy respect for my work in academia. That's about as far as it went. What I miss about a relationship is the "best friend" factor. Having someone around who knows you, or at least wants to get to know as much as they can. I don't expect someone to "complete me" as sappy movies are so fond of these days, but just someone who respects and admires me. And who laughs with me and wants to be a presence in my life. The Barrister didn't give me that best friend type of feeling.

16 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're upset. I wish you didn't have to take that bitch back, we could have laughed together for a while. You probably just need to decompress at home anyway. You've done enough.

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  2. Oh, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I'd be your best friend, but bringing you ice cream every other night would get to be a tad expensive.

    As for the mental/emotional drain--if the conference came off well, then relish the exhaustion. I find there's few things that make me feel better than the afterglow of a successful project like that!

    The Barrister is a jerk.

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  3. [hugs] That guy needs a swift kick in the crotch, really. I mean, fine. He hit it off with someone else. But if he had balls of any size, he would have told you that sooner. What a fucker.

    I still think you should keep his Father Ted DVDs, just out of spite. ;)

    T-minus 28 days until TRF. That's what's keeping me from crawling under my desk right now.

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  4. There's a few moves you're going to learn in Kill Bill Vol 2 that might come in hand-y.

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  5. Dale, I watched it a couple of nights ago. And the exploding heart thing could come in REALLY handy.

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  6. I know that yesterday wasn't really the best day for you. I'm sorry.

    But just so you know, feel free to lay your head on my bosom anytime you want. =)

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  7. He's a nice guy, right? You liked hanging out with him, right? So it stands to reason that he probably has a cool friend who you might like, right? Think of him as one more cog in your social wheel instead of a possible love interest that fizzled out.

    Sorry that you are so emotionally exhausted right now; I get that way after big events too. Take a nice long bath with a cheesy book. You deserve a break.

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  8. Beth, thanks. I'm feeling much better as a result of yesterday's sleep-a-thon and lots of movie watching.

    Os, thanks. I'm trying to relish. :)

    GP, that's kinda what I thought (and told him) re: he should've just told me from the beginning.

    E., you know what's really funny? When your comment came through to my inbox it filtered out the word "bosom." LOL

    Lulu, I certainly would love to retain him as a cog, but I doubt that'll even happen given the fact that he has a new gf. Somehow I don't think he'll follow through with a platonic relationship. We'll see!

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  9. its so his loss dear. :(

    the book shopping trip sounded fantastic!! I have recently discovered that I can get books at the Salvation Army near my house for 49 cents - this makes me oh so happy!!!

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  10. Awwwww Andi- don't be sad. I can hear your knight in shining armour galloping down your road any day now!

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  11. Thanks, Cold. And WHOA at the book bargains! Are they decent? They're not 1976 second editions half-eaten by moths?

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  12. Thanks, AMS. It's probably good if he doesn't ride up before I move off for my PhD. Something that I thought about with the Barrister, but figured I'd give it a go. I'm sitting here looking at his Father Ted DVD debating whether or not to send it back. ;)

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  13. ha- Ive gotten some good things for my 49 cents - The Hours, a couple of Wally Lamb's and one David Sedaris were part of my weekend haul.

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  14. Oooh, The Hours is an all-time favorite. Haven't read any Sedaris, but need to get my butt in gear and do that.

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  15. I also volunteer to be your best friend, Andi. I already respect your academic work AND your rack. How can you lose?

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  16. Oh, Todd. You're my knight in shining liquor store. Bring some Skyy.

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