As Funky pointed out, coming up with your own memory sentence is embarrassing. I also contend that it is potentially funny--or at least it can be. When I came up with that post, I was thinking of Joshilyn Jackson's post from a while back that described the phenomenon known as "bad author bios". Read on, lovelies....
Pam McNew has some poems in an upcoming anthology, and the editors-that-be asked her (as these people often do) for a short AUTHOR BIO. She wrote the usual, "Pam lives here, does this, wrote that, and now I shall close with a detail, Small and Personal." The end. I AM FOR THAT. I never like author bios that try to be all wacky-funky..."James Blade wears only purple in protest of injustice and lives entirely on seeds and punk music," or worse, mystical..."Joanna Everpoo spends her days dancing off moonbeams, word collecting, and heeding the siren call of her muse..." Yeah. Sure she does, and can someone please pass her a big glass candy jar full of lithium?
I always suspect people with bios like that are 19, and this is their first poem/story/piece published, and that they are going to want to DIE when they look at it again in ten years.
ANYWAY, Pam McNew wanted to write herself a DREAM BIO, you know, uncensored and, more importantly, UNTRUE. A writer friend, James Stevens Arce, picked it up and told me about it, and now I feel it is officially a MEME. So here is mine, and I breathlessly await yours:
"Some people call author Joshilyn Jackson The Space Cowboy. This is probably because she has been to space, and also paradise, and also to the desert (on a horse with no name), and she has even been to me. In a former life, she was the Egyptian Sun God Ra, and that's why she holds her hands like that. She currently captures her prey by half pouncing and half lassoing them, and she can capture several prey items at one time. She feeds on one specimen while retaining the others in her quivering, lashing appendages. She thinks you look tasty."
Okay I stole some of that from a description of the common house centipede. But it is MY dream bio and I can have quivering, lashing appendages IF I WANT. Also I love how it says it HALF POUNCES and HALF LASSOS. How do you half pounce? How do you half lasso? Any creature that can do BOTH AT ONCE is something I want to be, even it does look like the fanged and gelid hairball of my cat's worst nightmares.
So, in response to the post below about poor Burt Bacharach's daughter and Joshilyn Jackson's musings on the bad author bio above, I give you a very true, potentially embarrassing bio that I will NEVER use if I get published in any type of mainstream venue.
"Andi M_____ is a knowledge (book) hoarder and isn't fond of cleaning, wearing makeup, or doing her hair unless she a) plans to leave the house b) needs to impress someone. She has an unhealthy obsession with unattainable older men, fingernail clippings, and cheesecake, and while she may never win a beauty contest, she has a ripping sense of humor (sometimes, when she's not holed up in her bed looking homeless over her winter vacation) and could write at least 32% of the population under the table, which is exactly why this piece of crap got published and you're reading this bio at all. Either that, or she decided to write a horrible author bio for her blog."
Now THAT rings true.
Send me your bios, lovelies.
Listenin: "Mississippi"...The Dixie Chicks