Thursday, December 04, 2008

You Lost Him at Hello, by Jess McCann



When TLC Book Tours approached me with the opportunity to review Jess McCann's book, You Lost Him at Hello: A Saleswoman's Secrets to Closing the Deal with Any Guy You Want, I was apprehensive. Self-help books aren't my usual bag, but given that I'd just been spectacularly surprised by a guy I was interested in that turned out to be MARRIED, I figured it just couldn't hurt. While my dating stories aren't usually quite as "train wreck" as Married Guy (thankfully), a little extra knowledge never hurt anyone.

The basic principles of You Lost Him at Hello are sales strategies. While I've often chosen to think that humans are more evolved than that, that being "sold" by a date is unrealistic, McCann assures her reader that most people would never enter an important situation, job or otherwise, without a solid strategy for success. I can't argue with that. If I won't go into my college classroom to teach my students without a plan or a set of strategies, why would I go into a date that way?

The principles in You Lost Him at Hello are simple and most often relate to concepts that women already know, but often choose to ignore, or have been taught by a love savvy grandmother or mother. Ever heard of playing hard to get? Sure, who hasn't? McCann doesn't call it that, but she certainly urges every woman to maintain a full life and stay in control of the dating situation whether by not being available to jump whenever a man calls, "filling the funnel" with eligible bachelors until you have the relationship talk with the one you really want, or having the self-control to end a date and walk away just when a man is most intrigued. He'll follow shortly after.

I appreciated McCann's candor and humor in the book, and the strategies sound reasonable and very smart. My own problem, like many women, is that I often fall prey to my own excitement and answer all those darn calls or spend too much time with a man at the outset. Must work on those things.

On the downside, the book often read like a catalog of McCann's fabbbbulous relationships which, for this dater, got a little wearing. In fairness, she did use herself, as well as her friends as examples of what to do and what not to do. Her credibility seems secure, which I appreciate since I was apprehensive about reading the book in the first place.

So, what will I do when that cutie from Match.com calls next time? I might just be too busy to answer the phone. I'll get back to him when I can. If he wants to go out? Oh, I have two nights available, Thursday and Sunday, and he'll make time if he can.

The bottom line is really just be cool, confident, friendly, and know yourself well enough to sell your great qualities to a date.

Visit Jess McCann's website HERE.

Note: My apologies to TLC and Jess McCann for posting this review late. It was set to auto-post, but Blogger, in its divine craziness, didn't actually do it.

10 comments:

  1. Hmm. Good luck with your dating, I'm not sure how far I'd trust a dating manual though. Sometimes it just feels right to break all 'the rules' but who am I to talk? Me with the very little amount of dating experience!

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  2. Thanks, Michelle. I'm sure I'll take and leave parts of it, I'm sure. I broke a rule last night, actually, and it seems to have worked in my favor. Overall I think this book, more than anything, is about having confidence. I have to agree that it's probably the most attractive and winning quality any man or woman can have.

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  3. Why, when it's called self help, is the first thing everyone's encouraged to do letting someone else (or their book) tell them what to think, feel or do?

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  4. Wow, I could've sworn I read a book, liked what it had to say, and thought about trying it. I didn't realize I was such a lemming.

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  5. I never dated (except for my husband after we had been friends for a couple of years) so I'm not even really qualified to comment, but here I am anyway ;-)

    It sounds like this book has some good points, especially about the confidence. Like all self help books, I think it's helpful in encouraging self analysis. Even if you don't agree with every rule, at least it gets you thinking about what you do and don't want to do in future situations. That's what's great about most literature actually, it gets you thinking about your life instead of just going through the motions.

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  6. Andrea, I couldn't agree more. I read any and every book looking for a new perspective, new ideas, somethingto be learned, which I can incorporate into my life or not. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.

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  7. Great review. I'm not a huge fan of self-help books, but I do appreciate how they allow a person to take a step back from things and look at situations in a less emotional way, which could reveal some hidden aspects.

    When I dated I also let excitement take over, it was so fun to think and wonder if he was 'the one', and then even the smallest quirk seemed gigantic and unbearable.

    Funny thing, but my hubs and I were complete enemies until we actually got to know one another through a circle of friends. So for me 'the one' came along when I wasn't even looking :)

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  8. I did "The Rules" at one point in my life (you are probably too young to remember those) and THEY WORKED. I was busy, secretive and didn't talk about myself and men responded, but the only men who responded were the kind of men I tend not to like.

    I think those books can be confidence builders, and for girls who come off as desperate they are probably good reminders to play it cool and not throw yourself at men, but you don't really seem like the desperate, man-crazy type.

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  9. Confidence is definitely good, but not overconfidence.

    As a male human, allow me to give a little perspective from the other side. If I'm dating someone that plays hard to get, I'm likely to interpret it as a lack of interest and move on. I just don't really get the whole dating game playing stuff. But then I don't have a girlfriend either. So maybe I don't know what the hell I'm talking about!

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  10. Joanne, that's so funny that you and your hubs couldn't stand each other at first. A true testament that we never really know who the "one" is or where he/she is coming from!

    Lu, definitely not man-crazy over here, but I was beginning to wonder "what the hell is wrong with me and how do I fix it" after the past few failed dating situations. The latest one seems to be going well, though.

    JC, if a guy were to play hard to get I'd probably ditch him thinking it was lack of interest, too. I'm in a new dating situation and basically breaking a whole bunch of McCann's rules at this point, and everything seems fine. We'll see how it goes. I'm letting instinct and logic rule at this point.

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