This week and last have truly been some of the most personally trying days of my life. I'm having lots of anxiety and complicated grief issues after the recent death in our family, and if I ever sleep a solid night again, I think I might jump for joy. I keep telling myself these feelings are normal, and reading on grief forums that I'm normal, and talking to Chuck about how we're normal. But I don't feel normal yet. Every day is a little better, but it's a significant road ahead.
This weekend I attended church for the first time in a long time. I'm not proud of having been out of the Christian loop for years on end, but it's a personal process, and to be very honest, I think I lost my faith for a long time. At a time like this when I'm feeling rather empty, it was humbling to be in a place full of caring and compassion and purpose. In short, it just made me feel better. It made me feel like I did before I lost my way.
There hasn't been much reading going on at my place--often too brain-fried and sleepy to focus. BUT, I did want to make up a love list--things I adore--to celebrate Valentine's Day and give a nod to those things that help me feel like myself and provide joy on a regular basis.
- My family--Chuck, the Rockets, Greyson, the dogs, my mom and my extended family
- Good movies. I watched The Social Network this weekend and thought it was one of the smartest, funniest movies I've seen in a long time.
- Sunlight, open windows, and pleasant weather.
- Work for keeping me busy and giving me good friends who are supportive.
- Greyson's little quirks that make me laugh every day. He has a "bobble head" thing he's doing lately that cracks me up every time.
- Long drives in the car
- Bookstores and cafes
- Kind strangers who just want to help
Thanks to all my bloggy friends for your kind words and support. I love y'all. :)