Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Personally: A Belated Love List

Hey everyone, and a happy belated Valentine's Day to you all. I was busier than a kitty in new litter at work yesterday, so I didn't have a chance to post any thoughts, feelings, or ponderings for the day.

This week and last have truly been some of the most personally trying days of my life. I'm having lots of anxiety and complicated grief issues after the recent death in our family, and if I ever sleep a solid night again, I think I might jump for joy. I keep telling myself these feelings are normal, and reading on grief forums that I'm normal, and talking to Chuck about how we're normal. But I don't feel normal yet. Every day is a little better, but it's a significant road ahead.

This weekend I attended church for the first time in a long time. I'm not proud of having been out of the Christian loop for years on end, but it's a personal process, and to be very honest, I think I lost my faith for a long time. At a time like this when I'm feeling rather empty, it was humbling to be in a place full of caring and compassion and purpose. In short, it just made me feel better. It made me feel like I did before I lost my way.

There hasn't been much reading going on at my place--often too brain-fried and sleepy to focus. BUT, I did want to make up a love list--things I adore--to celebrate Valentine's Day and give a nod to those things that help me feel like myself and provide joy on a regular basis.

  • My family--Chuck, the Rockets, Greyson, the dogs, my mom and my extended family
  • Good movies. I watched The Social Network this weekend and thought it was one of the smartest, funniest movies I've seen in a long time.
  • Sunlight, open windows, and pleasant weather.
  • Work for keeping me busy and giving me good friends who are supportive.
  • Greyson's little quirks that make me laugh every day. He has a "bobble head" thing he's doing lately that cracks me up every time.
  • Long drives in the car
  • Bookstores and cafes
  • Kind strangers who just want to help 
I could go on forever, but in the last weeks these have been constant.

Thanks to all my bloggy friends for your kind words and support. I love y'all. :)

17 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Many, many hugs to you, Andi, and here's hoping you start to feel more like you very soon. I'm glad you're focusing on things that make you happy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Please put me down as a kind stranger who wants to help. I know from experience that you will sleep through the night again, though I don't know when. And I know that feeling like you're not 'normal' right now is perfectly normal.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Grieving is a process and it takes a while. Take care and keep remembering the good things in life.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's always good to think of things you love or are grateful for during times of sorrow. I absolutely loved The Social Network, it's one of my all time favorites.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel those feelings...whatever they are. Ahhhh, sunshine...isn't it a wonderfully intoxicating thing? Helps us remember that brighter days are ahead...figuratively and literally.

    And, last but not least, you didn't lose your faith; it's been waiting patiently for you there all the time ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a great idea and list. It's often helpful for me to take stock of the little things when everything else is at odds. It takes time, but do take care Andi.

    ReplyDelete
  7. *hug* Take care of yourself. (And I so agree with you about The Social Network -- I wanted to hate it because Aaron Sorkin is self-righteous but it was really good actually.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's definitely a process and I'm glad you're starting to find your way =) I hope you have a good night's rest tonight!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Just read the update/event on Facebook. You guys are in my thoughts. **hugs**

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm sorry that these past few weeks have been so tiring for you but I'm glad you have people and things to lean on right now. Keeping up in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Glad you're getting back to normal slowly Andi. Hang in there! And glad that you're counting your blessings/loves :O)

    ReplyDelete
  12. So sorry for what you are going through but glad to hear you have so much support around you and things that make you feel better.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Spring is coming, too, and soon the world will be so full of life it will break and heal your heart all at once. Lots of hugs, Andi! We're here if you need us.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love that you're making lists of things you love. You'll get through this, Andi. You're strong and you're not running away from your grief. It just takes time. Lots of time. And now this is the "new normal." Be gentle with yourself. Ask for help when you're too tired (emotionally or physically). People want to help but never quite know how to jump in and do so without feeling like they're intruding.

    Feel free to write to me privately, if you need to chat.

    Love, Les

    ReplyDelete
  15. Love and support Andi.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thinking of you and so sorry to hear of your loss. Also sorry I didn't see this post until now -- bad friend. This is me hugging you through my computer --> [[ ]]

    Okay, I know that was cheesy... but the good kind of cheesy, right? :)

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for taking the time to comment! I respond to comments individually by e-mail and/or here on the site. "No reply" bloggers will automatically receive a response here. I value community above all else in blogging, and talking with you all is the highlight of my blogging day!