Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Fifty Shades of Endorsements



I've already made the admission here that I read all three of the Fifty Shades books in under a week. While there's probably a separate post coming on the topic, I rarely find myself ashamed to admit I'm reading anything. Not sure why I felt the need to come out of the box on the defensive about these books in my previous post. It's probably a mixture of the overwhelming hype and the bad writing. The writing is as bad as you've heard. Whenever I see or hear someone say, "They're so well written," my ass twitches. Not in a good way. 


But what's appealing about these books? What would prompt me to sink so thoroughly into this fictional world for a week? A few things:


1. Hot sexytimes. For real, yo.


2. The Twilight take-off...blushworthy and amusing.


3. I wanted to know what happened to Christian and Ana, even though I was more or less able to guess at every turn.


4. All of their problems could be sorted out in 20-30 pages. It was a little like watching a dirty sitcom. 


So while I'm not terribly inclined to do a proper review. You can find those anywhere. The thought struck me: Fifty Shades of Endorsements! My biggest qualm with the writing of these novels is the repetition. There were some seriously ridiculous things that came up ALL THE TIME. This also presents an opportunity for the film makers to do some product placement AND there might even be some spinoff product possibilities (see pocket protectors). 


Roget's Thesaurus - Because I like my books to contain more than a few words repeated over and over again. Examples: "Oh my!" and "F*ck"


Chapstick - For all the time Anastasia spends biting her bottom lip.


Socks - Anastasia seems to have a hard time controlling herself when Christian is barefoot.


Schizophrenia medication -- for all the time Anastasia spends talking to her inner goddess (really, she wrote "inner goddess" a shitload of times)


Plastic pocket protectors -- for all the condoms Christian put in his pockets to dispose of later. Eeww!


And that's it! A week's worth of mindless entertainment. That's what I needed and that's what I got. If you're looking for the same, I highly recommend these books. If you're looking for something more, keep on truckin'.


Fifty Shades of Grey
Pub. Date: April 2012
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday
Format: E-book
ISBN-13:  9780345803481  
Source: Purchased by me



Fifty Shades Darker
Pub. Date: April 2012
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday
Format: E-book
ISBN-13:   9780345803498 
Source: Purchased by me


Fifty Shades Freed
Pub. Date: April 2012
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday
Format: E-book
ISBN-13:   9780345803504  
Source: Purchased by me

29 comments:

  1. I suspect I will read these for the curiosity value. Nice to know I'm not alone!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is an absolutely hilarious post!!! Love the product placement. Too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Totally agree about the writing but who can resist hot sexytimes? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love your comparison to a dirty sitcom. They should skip the movie and go with that idea!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love the product placement! I was curious enough to preview the first few pages on Amazon. I made it three paragraphs before the writing turned me away. I just couldn't handle it. I do love being able to communicate with pop cultural references, however, so I'm glad to have more than just 'inner goddess' in my repertoire. No go read something else!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh Andi, this is so fantastic!! I couldn't have said it better myself....the repetition sucks, the books, I'm ashamed to admit were a very fast read here too =)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for that much needed chuckle this morning!

    ReplyDelete
  8. That last one- ew, ew, ew! Also, she would have lost me over the barefoot thing. Bare feet are gross (my own are the only exception).

    ReplyDelete
  9. Proposal: Drinking game. Take a drink or have a shot every time one of the characters does anything you listed above. Problem is, everyone's puking by page two.

    ReplyDelete
  10. LOVE this post, Andi!! I suspect I'll have to read at least one of these just out of curiosity...kinda like driving by an accident :( I also snorted over Bluestalking's recommendation to make this into a drinking game!! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lol....you have me cracking up. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Once I finish my last few work/school projects, I'm totally digging in to these books. I always follow the hype on stuff like this. Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ewwwwww to the need for pocket protectors!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am in line for these as ebooks from the library, but I think I'm at like #124 and each person gets 3 weeks, so it will be a while.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm getting ridiculed for not reading this - EVERYONE on the dock at the marina has read or is reading and now they are all calling me a prude. Sigh...

    ReplyDelete
  16. I haven't been tempted to read these... yet. However, I am tempted to listen to the audio. It could be very entertaining if read ... umm... in the right manner. lol

    ReplyDelete
  17. Again, thank you for reading these so I don't have to. :D

    ReplyDelete
  18. Um, who puts a used condom in their pocket? That's my takeaway from your funny post, btw. Extreme confusion and annoyance. Because really?

    While I'm intrigued and hate being out of the in crowd, so to speak, I don't think I could handle these. I enjoyed Twilight in my day, yes, but this... I don't know. Whole new level.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hmmmm, and I do own an ereader now... ;) I think the hype is overwhelming and it's hard NOT to be curious.

    But ICK to the pocket protector bit.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I plowed through these books too despite the craptastic writing and the inner goddess. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I just read "hot sexy times, for real yo" in your adorable Southern accent and started giggling. Then I read about the condoms and was SO GROSSED OUT.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Your comment about socks reminds me of every Tarantino film. Some people (be they writers or filmmakers) seem to have a difficult time hiding their foot fetishes.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I have been curious and purchased Fifty Shades of Grey a couple of weeks ago. It is interesting that this trilogy seems to have changed the perception of erotic romance.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Enjoyed your post, much more than the first part of the first book anyway, which I have since discarded. Just the other day I was asked if I wanted to review Bared to You by some Day person, which is supposed to be Fifty Shades times ten. Well, it wouldn't have to be multiplied by much to be better writing than one finds there.

    On a more cheerful note, you've won Iring's In One Person. Just send me your mailing address (bellezza.mjs@gmail.com) and I'll give it to the publisher straight away. xo

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh, wow. The pocket protector thing is enough to convince me I've made a good decision in avoiding the 50 Shades books. Yeeuck! Thanks for the laughs. :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ha! I read the first book and have no intention of reading more!

    I did notice quite a few of the things you mentioned, but not the last one. Ewwww! lol

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm still pretty sure I'm not going to read these, but I heartily endorse your post!

    ReplyDelete
  28. "...my ass twitches. Not in a good way." That is hysterical!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for taking the time to comment! I respond to comments individually by e-mail and/or here on the site. "No reply" bloggers will automatically receive a response here. I value community above all else in blogging, and talking with you all is the highlight of my blogging day!