I've already made the admission here that I read all three of the Fifty Shades books in under a week. While there's probably a separate post coming on the topic, I rarely find myself ashamed to admit I'm reading anything. Not sure why I felt the need to come out of the box on the defensive about these books in my previous post. It's probably a mixture of the overwhelming hype and the bad writing. The writing is as bad as you've heard. Whenever I see or hear someone say, "They're so well written," my ass twitches. Not in a good way.
But what's appealing about these books? What would prompt me to sink so thoroughly into this fictional world for a week? A few things:
1. Hot sexytimes. For real, yo.
2. The Twilight take-off...blushworthy and amusing.
3. I wanted to know what happened to Christian and Ana, even though I was more or less able to guess at every turn.
4. All of their problems could be sorted out in 20-30 pages. It was a little like watching a dirty sitcom.
So while I'm not terribly inclined to do a proper review. You can find those anywhere. The thought struck me: Fifty Shades of Endorsements! My biggest qualm with the writing of these novels is the repetition. There were some seriously ridiculous things that came up ALL THE TIME. This also presents an opportunity for the film makers to do some product placement AND there might even be some spinoff product possibilities (see pocket protectors).
Roget's Thesaurus - Because I like my books to contain more than a few words repeated over and over again. Examples: "Oh my!" and "F*ck"
Chapstick - For all the time Anastasia spends biting her bottom lip.
Socks - Anastasia seems to have a hard time controlling herself when Christian is barefoot.
Schizophrenia medication -- for all the time Anastasia spends talking to her inner goddess (really, she wrote "inner goddess" a shitload of times)
Plastic pocket protectors -- for all the condoms Christian put in his pockets to dispose of later. Eeww!
And that's it! A week's worth of mindless entertainment. That's what I needed and that's what I got. If you're looking for the same, I highly recommend these books. If you're looking for something more, keep on truckin'.
Fifty Shades of Grey
Pub. Date: April 2012
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday
Format: E-book
ISBN-13: 9780345803481
Source: Purchased by me
Fifty Shades Darker
Pub. Date: April 2012
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday
Format: E-book
ISBN-13: 9780345803498
Source: Purchased by me
Fifty Shades Freed
Pub. Date: April 2012Publisher: Knopf Doubleday
Format: E-book
ISBN-13: 9780345803504
Source: Purchased by me
I suspect I will read these for the curiosity value. Nice to know I'm not alone!
ReplyDeleteThis is an absolutely hilarious post!!! Love the product placement. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree about the writing but who can resist hot sexytimes? ;)
ReplyDeleteI love your comparison to a dirty sitcom. They should skip the movie and go with that idea!
ReplyDeleteI love the product placement! I was curious enough to preview the first few pages on Amazon. I made it three paragraphs before the writing turned me away. I just couldn't handle it. I do love being able to communicate with pop cultural references, however, so I'm glad to have more than just 'inner goddess' in my repertoire. No go read something else!
ReplyDeleteOh Andi, this is so fantastic!! I couldn't have said it better myself....the repetition sucks, the books, I'm ashamed to admit were a very fast read here too =)
ReplyDeleteThanks for that much needed chuckle this morning!
ReplyDeleteThat last one- ew, ew, ew! Also, she would have lost me over the barefoot thing. Bare feet are gross (my own are the only exception).
ReplyDeleteProposal: Drinking game. Take a drink or have a shot every time one of the characters does anything you listed above. Problem is, everyone's puking by page two.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post, Andi!! I suspect I'll have to read at least one of these just out of curiosity...kinda like driving by an accident :( I also snorted over Bluestalking's recommendation to make this into a drinking game!! LOL!
ReplyDeleteLol....you have me cracking up. :)
ReplyDeleteOnce I finish my last few work/school projects, I'm totally digging in to these books. I always follow the hype on stuff like this. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious. :P
ReplyDeleteEwwwwww to the need for pocket protectors!
ReplyDeleteI am in line for these as ebooks from the library, but I think I'm at like #124 and each person gets 3 weeks, so it will be a while.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting ridiculed for not reading this - EVERYONE on the dock at the marina has read or is reading and now they are all calling me a prude. Sigh...
ReplyDeleteI haven't been tempted to read these... yet. However, I am tempted to listen to the audio. It could be very entertaining if read ... umm... in the right manner. lol
ReplyDeleteAgain, thank you for reading these so I don't have to. :D
ReplyDeleteUm, who puts a used condom in their pocket? That's my takeaway from your funny post, btw. Extreme confusion and annoyance. Because really?
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm intrigued and hate being out of the in crowd, so to speak, I don't think I could handle these. I enjoyed Twilight in my day, yes, but this... I don't know. Whole new level.
Hmmmm, and I do own an ereader now... ;) I think the hype is overwhelming and it's hard NOT to be curious.
ReplyDeleteBut ICK to the pocket protector bit.
I plowed through these books too despite the craptastic writing and the inner goddess. :)
ReplyDeleteI just read "hot sexy times, for real yo" in your adorable Southern accent and started giggling. Then I read about the condoms and was SO GROSSED OUT.
ReplyDeleteYour comment about socks reminds me of every Tarantino film. Some people (be they writers or filmmakers) seem to have a difficult time hiding their foot fetishes.
ReplyDeleteI have been curious and purchased Fifty Shades of Grey a couple of weeks ago. It is interesting that this trilogy seems to have changed the perception of erotic romance.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed your post, much more than the first part of the first book anyway, which I have since discarded. Just the other day I was asked if I wanted to review Bared to You by some Day person, which is supposed to be Fifty Shades times ten. Well, it wouldn't have to be multiplied by much to be better writing than one finds there.
ReplyDeleteOn a more cheerful note, you've won Iring's In One Person. Just send me your mailing address (bellezza.mjs@gmail.com) and I'll give it to the publisher straight away. xo
Oh, wow. The pocket protector thing is enough to convince me I've made a good decision in avoiding the 50 Shades books. Yeeuck! Thanks for the laughs. :)
ReplyDeleteHa! I read the first book and have no intention of reading more!
ReplyDeleteI did notice quite a few of the things you mentioned, but not the last one. Ewwww! lol
I'm still pretty sure I'm not going to read these, but I heartily endorse your post!
ReplyDelete"...my ass twitches. Not in a good way." That is hysterical!
ReplyDelete