Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Reading Wisdom Sticks

First, I have to thank each and every one of you who commented on my "On Loss" post or reached out to me via Facebook, Twitter, and other outlets. It's been a very long time since I've had a heartbreak sneak up on me, and I didn't expect this new situation to affect me so acutely. I thought I was fine, and suddenly I wasn't.

It still hurts, it sucks, it's not easy by any stretch, but your kind words, offers of solace, and virtual hugs soothed. Wading through the mire is just rough right now, but better things are on the other side.

As is always the case, reading is my solace. My safe place. My getaway when I need it, or my intellectual stimulation. An extra layer of fun and comfort worked into every day. When I was at my lowest on Saturday, out of nowhere a line came to me:

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

Fitting. I know I deserve better than what I've been through, but it's what I accepted for three and a half years. And I could've sworn that line was something I heard on Oprah in passing. But low and behold, when I Googled it, it's a line from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I can't even remember WHEN I read Perks. I think it must've been in the neighborhood of 2002 because my mom and I were living in my grandparents' old house after they passed away.

In general, when someone mentions The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I don't have particularly good memories. It was just ok. I don't remember it as terribly affecting. BUT, that line. That line is golden and arrived back in my life at just the right time to offer me comfort and motivation to change. With no prompting or re-reading. Just the right time. Like magic.

It's times like these that I'm most thankful for being a reader. The little bits and bobs that stick, stored away until the moment we need them most...nuggets of wisdom and insight and comfort and humanity that come back to lift us up.

9 comments:

  1. another book you might find helpful if you havent read it is .. the four agreements. one of the agreements talks about we only accept abuse to the degree we feel we deserve it.. such as verbal abuse. if we feel we deserve that we wont get out of the relationship... if however it turns physical and we dont feel we deserve that level .. we will get out.
    glad you are on the rebound and sending another hug and bunches of positives your way maam!
    peace
    sylvia

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  2. I read that post and felt your pain, and I am happy you found some solace with getting it out. The whole having a family and being happy is a lot more work than it should be. But it is.
    Keep on trucking.

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  3. It is for these reasons and many more that I am a reader. It makes me stronger, more able to withstand the heartbreaks that come with life. Stay strong, my friend. I stand there with you.

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  4. Reading wisdom does stick. It's amazing how a line will sneak up on me weeks, months or even years later -- something I didn't even pay special attention to the first go 'round.

    Thinking of you and sending more hugs your way. You're awesome, and you will get through this.

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  5. Reading has always been my solace, too. But I envy you your memory for lines from books!! I'm lucky if I can describe a book to someone a week later!

    I hope this week has been better!

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  6. If you want to talk more after reading the comment I left in your Loss post, email me. I have walked in your shoes. And, din't forget Eleanor Roosevelt's quote that "no one can make you feel bad without your permission." I'll feelings have no right to dwell within our hearts.

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  7. After checking, the exact quote from her is, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

    Something I need to tape to my forehead, myself.

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  8. Little bits of wisdom like that are part of what make me finish books, even if I'm not thrilled with them. I so often find little gems hidden.

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  9. I remember Perks the same way, it was just ok for me. But it's funny because I do remember that line. My first instinct was, no we don't! But then I remembered back on a few exes and the way they treated me. I can remember being shocked because I thought, did I really choose to put up with that for so long? Wow.

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