Time marches on. I'm sitting here, middle of the night. My anti-anxiety meds wore off early, it seems. That's a recent step to combat insomnia and general anxiety-induced illness. I had my first panic attack last week. Middle of the night. That was super.
It seems our office's current leadership hasn't had the best effect on me. Besides the casual sexism that rears its head into blatant sexism in our office. In addition to the overflow of work and no steps to control or corral it. On top of all that, I'm being told that I'm not doing my job very well without the person speaking down to me making any attempt to understand our workload outside of his limited scope. What priorities I may have been given before he landed in our office. What priorities will persist when he is gone in a couple of months. While we make a handful of friends on one project, we anger legion besides. I'm tired of playing on a losing team, being set up to fail, and I sure as hell won't stand idle while someone tells me I made this mess. The ship was sinking before I came onboard, and despite every effort to help strengthen the place, the mismanagement and lack of communication is insurmountable.
Way to lead. Way to support.
Way to push me out the door.
All of this stress-induced misery has pushed me to finally, finally make a serious play for the job market. It's long overdo, I realize. One can only sit around and bitch for so long. There was a large part of me that wanted to hang in there at the university. Do my bit for the greater good. Give back to the place that gave me so much. However, that dream is over.
Two or three possibilities lay in front of me right this second, but it's too early to know if any of them will pan out. I'm playing it balls to the wall by writing any of this for public consumption, but I choose to live honestly. This is my steam valve, and I'm letting off some of the pressure by sharing this professional journey. This fork in the road.
I know we've all been there from time to time, I just wish the time to make this move hadn't come so soon. I know many of you may be in the same boat now.
Cheers to us...to finding our way.