Monday, December 07, 2015

#AMonthofFaves: On Giving a Fuck, Or Not

#AMonthofFaves is also hosted by Girlxoxo.com and TravelingWithT.com!

When I first started drafting this post, I was going to discuss a list of memorable books, but then I read one of the most memorable of my year so far. I bet the title will be memorable to you even if you never read it.

The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck by Sarah Knight comes out at the end of December, but the title, and the play on Marie Kondo's The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up had me jumping for this one. Knight is quick-witted, funny, and basically delightful, as she's explaining to the reader how to create a fuck budget and clear mental clutter to make room for joy. It really is the KonMari version for the inside of your head with the added bonus of saying "fuck" a lot. It's my favorite curse word, after all.

I sorta feel like I came to a turning point in 2002, when my grandparents died, and stopped giving many, MANY superfluous fucks. That life changing year, plus having a child in 2010, plus my recent acceptance of anxiety medication, has allowed me to clear out a good number of things that I might've previously wasted my fucks on: agonizing over my body, agonizing over what people think of me (within reason), agonizing over things I can't change (also within reason).

What do I spend my fucks on?

  • My family, specifically my husband, son, and mother
  • This blog and all that comes with it: planning, social media
  • Writing outside of this blog (Book Riot, Panels)
  • Reading
  • A specific level of home cleanliness
  • Speaking up about things I'm really passionate about
  • Social justice issues, especially feminist issues and body positivity
  • Makeup
  • Making extra money to get out of student debt and buy real estate

I worked through Knight's suggestions for ways to streamline the fucks you give, and found that I was doing pretty well on the fucksIgive-o-meter, but there were some additional things I learned about myself, and I realized I give no fucks about these things:

  • Every Tweet in my feed. This led to some list making so I can zero in on specific topics
  • Posts from Facebook groups (with the exception of two)
  • 98% of viral videos
  • Cleaning my master closet
  • Network TV
So with this little introduction in mind, what do you currently give too many fucks about? Where should you invest them instead?

Little, Brown and Company
December 29, 2015
ISBN: 0316270725
Source: Received from the publisher for review consideration.

45 comments:

  1. After the year I've had, I don't know if I have the energy to give or not give a fuck for most things. Concentrating on family and friends and me.

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  2. Family is at the top of my list, too! After reading your post, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up no longer seems quite so unique...

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    1. LOL, still useful, but the mental clutter might be more bothersome for some.

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  3. I adore this post, Andi! And the book sounds awesome too, of course. I give far too many fucks about what people think of me and will be working on channelling those fucks into what I think of myself (i.e. loving myself that little bit more).

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    1. Channeling the fucks into things worth giving one about! That's the name of the game!

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  4. I remember the first time I heard about this book coming out - I was at the gym lifting weights and listening to the Book Riot podcast and Rebecca Schinsky mentioned it. I squealed with delight - because I always kind of thought the whole Tidying Up tsunami was odd and over the top and because this message sounds so liberating. I'm planning to read this and need to go over my list of giving a fuck. As it stands now, I give a fuck about: my family (immediate and cousins), my blog, staying in shape and training for triathlons, reading, my closest friends. I don't give a fuck about holiday parties anymore and my husband and I just decided to stay in on New Year's to watch the college football play-offs instead of going to some party with all the same people that we see at every other party. It feels awesome. Sorry for the rant....

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    1. I need to give more fucks about my health. After recovering from that long bout with anemia it's time for cardio. Ugh. Still working up the fucks to give in that department. Rant away, lovely! Love a ranty comment.

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  5. This sounds great! I think I've cleaned out my head a pretty good bit but I'd love to have some guidance. Plus the title is just awesome!

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    1. You never know what you'll find that you need to clean out and stop giving a fuck about when you really inventory what comes up in your head a lot. It really did slow me down and make me think harder.

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  6. I read an article lately by this author apologizing to the writers she used to be frustrated with when she worked in publishing. It was great and this book sounds wonderful too!

    I think I am getting better too about not caring too much what people think of me. People who are determined to find a problem will always find one!

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    1. Oooh! I need to look up that article! Amen re: people will find a problem if they are determined to do so.

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  7. I LOVE that you wrote about this and now I HAVE to read this book. I give a fucks about MYSELF this year. I LOVE my family and it goes without saying that I give many f%$cks about them, but I usually put myself last and I'm trying to change that.

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    Replies
    1. YES! More giving a fuck about ourselves! Very important indeed.

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  8. I kinda think I might have to read this one. I mean, I loved Marie Kondo's book, and it has REALLY helped me, but this sounds like even tongue and cheek this might as well. :D

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    1. Definitely a level of tongue-in-cheekness that I love, but it still resonates with legitimacy.

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  9. One of the best things that ever happened to my give-a-fuck meter was turning 40. (I'll be 42 in February, just to clarify.) I give so many less fucks since then. I don't know what it is about that many candles on a cake that liberated me but wow, it sure did! I've let go of people that hurt me, I've given up doing things that didn't bring me pleasure, etc. BUT I still have a lot of work to do regarding what people think of me, body acceptance, and other things. This book sounds like one I should put at the top of my Christmas list :D

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    1. Yessss, age is a thing that cleans out your fucks. 35 has been good to me so far. Enjoy if you get around to this one!

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  10. Replies
    1. Anything outside Netflix, basically. We don't have cable or satellite. Haven't for a while, and I don't miss it!

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    2. I mostly agree. We do have Hulu, but only watch a handful of shows, including Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but we don't miss network TV. We catch up on shows years after the fact and we're okay with that.

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    3. We cut the cable cord one year ago and it has been awesome. Netflix gives us more than enough stuff to watch.

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    4. We have Hulu and NEVER WATCH IT. I need to remind my husband to cancel it. Netflix and YouTube seem to work fine for us.

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  11. Yep, you have to choose what is worth worrying about.

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    1. Oh yes. Choosing battles....I'm all about it.

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  12. Oh my god, I give ZERO fucks about network TV...like, can't even handle it zero. Very excited to read this!

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  13. "No fucks left to give" has been my end-of-semester mantra for several years. I must get this book, and I think it's a sign that it's release date is also my birthday!!

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    1. Yep, been saying that a lot myself. Ooooh, it's a match made in heaven!

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  14. LOVE this. I need another mental clean-out. I did a big one the year my dad died ... kind of. Unfortunately with that one, I pretty much didn't give a f*ck about much of anything except my husband and being in the moment. It got me through though. Now I think would be a good time to actually think through this without the overwhelming grief that was driving the ship last time. ESPECIALLY need to let go of social media headspace that gets in the way of more productive things (on social media!) like blogging (I want to write on my blog again). I like your list :)

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  15. FucksIgive-o-meter! :D So need to read this book. Love this post and hope you're happier for it!
    I've been going full steam for the last year and got bill for it this year, now I'm living close to my family again and am trying balance my thesis and getting heathy again. Stopped giving a fuck about doing everything at once and 300%

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  16. Wooo! Another awesome post, Andi! I have given up a lot of things I just don't give an F about. Life is too short.

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  17. I love, LOVE this title. And not only because I accidentally taught my 5-year-old our favorite swear word (fuck, of course, although mine tends to come out in this version: "for fuck's sake..."). Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

    SO many things not to give a fuck about...but yes, mainly trying to shepherd two small boys through cold and flu season is tops on my list. It's all about small goals.

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  18. Awesome post, Andi! I think I stopped giving a fuck about a lot of thing ten years ago. Family, health, reading and seeing the world are about all I care about these days. Can't wait to read this book!

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  19. "Streamline the fucks you give" I believe this might be my new favorite phrase. I tend to take on a lot and that's not a bad thing. But getting pregnant and being exhausted has made me really consider where I want to spend the energy I have. It's a good thing to check your priorities.

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  20. Sounds like a good book for everyone to read! I'm having just that kind of day today. I just found out that a good friend of mine almost died simply because, as a busy mom, she neglected to get her sore throat checked out (like we all do, because we think it will just go away on its own). Well, it turns out it was strep and it ended up spreading through her entire body. She was in the hospital for 2 weeks, had 4 surgeries to rid her body of infection, and she's going to be struggling just to move around her house for months. I just keep thinking about how terrified they all must have been (they have three young girls), and how quickly our lives can change. A good reminder to focus on the things that matter. :) Great post!

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  21. I'm basically running out to get this book asap. Aside from the fact that I also enjoy saying fuck, it sounds like you actually got a lot out of this book that will allow you to give more fucks about things that actually matter. Having reached the magical age of 30, this feels like the right time to streamline my fucks given. Probably one of my favourite posts ever read.

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  22. I seriously need to reprioritize the list of things I give a fuck about. Love your post - I must get this book!

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  23. Oh gosh what DO I give too many fucks about? I think that year over year I have learned to give fewer and fewer fucks, and it is magically and wondrously freeing. Antidepressants have helped (thanks Zoloft!), and so has just, I think, getting older and having a better grip on what the rules are and which ones matter and which ones don't.

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  24. I love this post. My husband, my cats and my home top my list, and then my blog, my studies and my work. And then maybe social issues I care about. Recently I learned I have to give less of a fuck about what my mother wants from me. I realized how much I worry about saying things that might (and always do) offend her, and how little she gives back. Enough said.

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  25. I LOVE this and I need to get my hands on this book NOW. Fuck is one of my favorite words. It's so versatile! lol Becoming chronically ill really gave me a harsh lesson in finding out what I give a fuck about. I don't have the energy to give fucks willy-nilly. John, my bf, has also helped with this because he gives zero fucks as a rule lol. I got rid of some 'friends' who were actually energy vampires and realized it was really good for my health to not have to give fucks about their dramas. There was so much drama. I also have learned I have more energy now for things I do give lots of fucks about - my family, John, my true friends, my health, blogging, art. It's quite liberating. I suspect there are some more things I could learn to not care about, so I'd love to read this. Plus, it sounds hilarious and delightful! Thanks for sharing, Andi!

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  26. I cannot WAIT for this book. I'm not big on resolutions but I'm thinking my focus for 2016 is going to be on focusing my fucks on the things that are most important to me, rather than *every* *single* *thing* that catches my eye. This sounds like the perfect kick-off for that. I love your list of things you give fucks about... and SO SO WITH YOU on not giving a fuck about every single tweet in my feed.

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  27. Choosing what to give my fucks about is a regular struggle for me. I frequently start freaking out about something only to stop in mid-rant with a "why am I letting this toxic thing into my life" lightbulb clicking on above my head. Actually making a list of where to give my fucks is a good idea. I am slowly KonMari-ing my house and my digital life so a mind cleaning and organization makes sense too.

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