- Angry that this happened in my city
- Angry that a peaceful protest fell apart in violence
- Angry that the initial reaction of Dallasites on social media was to blame protesters for having the gall to protest. The old "this wouldn't happen if you didn't do XYZ in the first place."
- Angry that this was happening to friends and students in that crowd
- Angry that I was being told that racism isn't a problem by people IN MY LIFE
- Angry that I know people who will not do anything about any of this or even care
I posted an angry post on Facebook.
Don't tell me you're praying for Dallas. Do not. Write a letter, use your vote, go to a protest yourself, round up your friends, have a thoughtful conversation, teach your children. DO SOMETHING. God gave us free will because THIS IS ALSO ON US.It was a call for personal responsibility and action. It was a crying out. It was not a blanket assumption that everyone reading it was a target of my anger or a hypocrite.
Since I posted it I've been told that I'm passive aggressive, hateful, insensitive.
I am human. I am struggling to make SENSE OF IT.
When I was in high school a football player a year older than me suffered a brain injury on the field. He was careflighted to a Dallas hospital and the media descended on my small town. It was good to know that the world cared, but it was also people making good TV. We wanted the cameras to go away. We wanted to take care of each other.
Somehow I had a similar sense of that last night watching downtown Dallas metaphorically burning. Somehow I didn't want avatars that say #DallasStrong or prayer for you. I wanted justice and change and something real right now. Is it possible? Is it realistic? No. But it's what my heart wanted.
Racism is real. Black lives DO MATTER. Police officers should not be shot. The peanut gallery should not decide that it's the black protesters' fault. SO MUCH WRONG!
I am a Christian. I pray. I prayed. But I want people to feel this realness. I want to do more. Be more. CHANGE THINGS MAKE IT RIGHT FIX IT HELP!
Pray. Pray with all your might. But we have to move and join and talk and fix and bandage and hurt and grieve and DO DO DO DO DO for the world and be motivated to MAKE IT BETTER.
This anger is mine. This rage and confusion and hurt belong to so many of us. Heartbroken, angry, lost, trying. I want more from people. More from myself. I WANT TO TRY HARDER.
Maybe you're doing all the things you can...including prayer. Including action.
Then maybe it's not about you.