Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Lower, and Lower, and Lower

It's just one of those days.

I had a friend in graduate school who, when he was feeling beaten down by an asinine lesson, would get lower and lower in his seat. He'd start out in a sitting position, and as the hours wore on, he'd slip down to his elbows, then his head was hanging low, and finally he'd have his elbows on his knees and head lolling like he was about to pass out.

That's me today.



I realize this is a complete and utter Debbie Downer post, but some days I have to unhinge the steam valve.

  • My favorite employer is going to such crap. They're moving in the direction of mega classes which means less pay, more work, and less professional trust and respect. But it's for the good of the students (not)!
  • My campus leader is just like my old, toxic boss at my previous full-time job. So. Much. Alike. 
  • My son lost a classmate to cancer. 
  • The US is a political shithole.
  • All my empathy muscles are maxed out and it hurts. 
Amidst the mental and emotional clamor, I'm hearing a distinctive and slightly scary call to Do. Something. Else. 

This makes me laugh so much.

I don't know what that means yet, but it's coming. Whether it's a new teaching job, writing more, another degree, a different field. It's something. It's the right thing, but it's scary.


10 comments:

  1. Change is scary but it sounds like it's much needed for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Much, much needed. Especially if my favorite job goes to shit.

      Delete
  2. I am with you. I've never been so down over the state of the world. I was hovering along in my miserable, pissy way but then Bourdain died and it made me sad and angry, surprisingly. Not at him for what he did but at the world for beating people down to a pulp. Fast paced lifestyles, keeping up with everyone, the comparison game... it's so crappy and my tolerance for stupidity is at an all-time low. I just want to curl up with my dog, gaze at art, read good books, eat good food and BE. Why is that so hard?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES YES YES! That's exactly my biggest frustration is the beating down of people.

      Delete
  3. I don't think this is a Debbie Downer post, but more of a venting and thinking out loud, which is how I process anything upsetting or anxiety-producing. It sounds like you are on the right path with a positive attitude for change, as scary as that might be. I am personally ready for a big change in our government and am so tired of how things have gone during the past {gasp!} year and a half. Hang tough and keep venting. We're here listening! xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate you, Les. I was very low in my chair yesterday.

      Delete
  4. All I want is a reason to feel joy again. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps I need to start looking for that next great thing too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And wine. Highly recommended.

      Delete
  5. Oh honey, I feel this so hard. It's felt like my cognitive load this year has been too much so consistently that I don't know how I'm ever going to get to a manageable place in my life. And I'm really sorry you're struggling too. I send you many hugs and good vibes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, lovely. One day at a time. One. Day.

      Delete

Thanks for taking the time to comment! Blogger has been a beast lately, so I hope you do not have any troubles leaving your thoughts.

 
Images by Freepik