Tuesday, August 08, 2006

So something is wrong...

Several people have asked me if I'm ok lately. The most distressing was when Thesis Director said, "Oh yeah, I brought you this book because you haven't smiled in a few days."


I don't know what's wrong with me. Probably a moderate case of burnout, the onset of a case of distressing melancholia, and the fact that I'm sick of my own voice (both written and spoken). It's nothing that won't pass soonish (I hope), but it's still an asswhip in the meantime.

I'm housesitting for Thesis Director for three days next week and I plan to talk to no one. No one. I plan to lounge in the air conditioning, read, and write. She's handing over the keys to her office so I can work like an honorary prof in her absence. That excites me a little. Free reign to rape and pillage her library for a few days is a wonderful thought.

Everyone is traveling over this two week break, which bums me out a little. I had originally planned a trip to NC over the break, but a(nother) falling out with he-who-shall-not-be-named (HWSNBN) a few months ago squelched those plans for fun on the beach. I thought about striking out to Taos for a few days of photography, reading and swimming, but I think saving the $$$ would be a better idea. Must register for the Savannah conference, and they don't accept promises to pay later (bastards).

Wish me luck getting over this. I'm putting my faith in endorphins--cheaper than drugs and readily available at any hour of the day or night.

Listening: "Ride"...Cary Brothers
Reading: Shrek so I can write a response paper over it (yes, it started as a picture book).
In my head: Little green men. And Zach Braff...my new celebrity crush (Hugh has competition).


  1. Perhaps I could stuff you in my suitcase and take you to the beach with me.

    Imagine it: me and you on a tandem bicyle riding along on a boardwalk with the sunset behind us. Picturesque, isn't it? That is of course, until we run into a beam on a pier and plummet wildly into the Gulf of Mexico. During this little tumble, we would, of course, find the most impossible way to get stuck on the bicycle, and, unable to free ourselves from the 30 pounds of aluminum, will experience death by cycling via drowning.

    We should plan a girl's day/night the week after I get back. We haven't had an existentialist conversation on a park bench with mad crazy fountains in the background in awhile. Or maybe a pajama party with a bottle of sangria, several bottles of wine, and couple of movies?

  2. Enjoy your isolation! Though I think a trip to MT would take care of things, too!

  3. "I plan to lounge in the air conditioning, read, and write" - sounds like a plan and a half to me

  4. don't forget chocolate. Lots of chocolate. And House reruns.

    Would you like me to vanquish "he-who-shall-not-be-named" with my wand? I'll expleramous his ass out of N.C.

    (I totally fucked up that spell....spelling)

  5. Or, since I AM in NC, I could "talk to my friends" and totally have him taken care of.

    Just say the word.

    Then you could come through and see me!

  6. You should just come to CA and hang out with me. You can instruct me on ways to write a thesis because, holy crap, I just realized that I will be writing mine in less than a year! Of course, we would do this over beers at my very favorite bars in the city. Sounds like a plan, yes?

  7. I'd invite you up to Nebraska, but I don't even want to be here, so why would you?? I'm ready for a boat somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, anchored off a small island away from everyone (well, I do need my hubby since I really have no idea how to sail/motor a boat, so I guess he'll have to tag along).

    I recommend lots of chocolate, a bottle of bourbon and a few lemons (for whiskey sours), and a stack of books.

  8. I'd invite you to Canada but I'm a cranky biatch myself these days. I find wine helps. And popcorn. And trashy novels that I normally wouldn't read but am feeling the need to suspect all belief in anything.

  9. Housesitting sounds faaabulous. Raiding someone else's bookshelves always keeps me happy, (although my friends may not agree). And look at it this way, if not smiling meant people went around giving me books, I would never smile at all.

    Also, Zach Braff is totally yummy. Not as yummy as current squeeze David Krumholtz, the guy from Numb3rs, but yummy nonetheless. Also, his blog at ZachBraff.com is quite good.


  10. I don't want to minimize what you're going through, but it is somewhat normal for graduate students to feel this way. Research and writing are very lonely things to do. They're also mentally taxing (or at least they should be), and take a lot out of you.

    That's why many graduate students drink.

  11. wow sounds like we are in the same mood. must be the opressive heat... or something like that. or maybe life just sucks... either way.

  12. Maybe it is constipation that is causing your Melancholia. Have you considered that? A little exlax should fix you right up.

    Just kidding. Sort Of.

    I agree with Dell.X that reading/writing are tough things to do for an extended period of time. I did not realize how important the 6 week break that I was unemployed was for recharging the batteries. I was so immersed in the thesis, coursework, and teaching that I was ready to pull a whitman.

    I think you should really consider a trip or some kind of getaway and do exactly what you said in regards to "photography, reading and swimming." It does not feel like a vacation at home, and it can be done for a minimal expense. Try www.gotoday.com (a website for last minute vacation packages) and see what happens.

  13. I so don't get into Zach. He reminds me way too much of my younger brother's friends.

    I'm so happy because I finally lost some fucking weight.

    Ride on this sunshine thought, Andi baby: you could be 38 and still not know what you want to be when you grow up.

  14. Elise, that beach/suitcase thing sounds good! The tandem bike, not so much. Although, I must say, death by cycling via drowning is quite the original way to kick off. Girls' night sounds good. Let's do that.

    Os, true!

    Fence, doesn't it? Can't wait to dive headlong into a book I wanna read.

    Amanda, no vanquishing necessary, I'm not bitter enough for that anymore. Chocolate and House! I'm watching House as we speak.

    Heather, I love having connections!!!

    Kitty, it sounds like a great plan!!! *cheers*

    Les, oooooh, a whiskey sour sounds pretty darn good right now. And that boat thing sounds divine.

    Sassy, vodka tonics help me quite often. They're very very effective.

    GG, I can't belive David K. used to be the squirrely guy from 10 Things I Hate About You! He's HOT now!!! Holy crap.

    X, minimize away. I never said I was special...just pissy. ;) And, yes, I'm terribly fond of drinking. I find it works like a charm.

    Cold, I think it's the heat. It's fucking unbearable!

    T., I haven't talked to you in months and you pop up to tell me I'm constipated?? Nice form. Extra style points for you. *wink* Glad you've enjoyed your time away and will be fresh as a daisy come fall. And thanks for the link--will definitely check it out.

    Non, that would probably ruin the Zach experience for me. As it is, I just see a big nose and I dig big noses. And a good writer/director with a degree from Northwestern (the cooler the school the moister I get). And I've lost some fucking weight too! I took my jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping tonight.

  15. A-train,
    If you really need to getaway, I'll be more than happy to let you take my spot in my upcoming vacation since I really don't want to go. A whole week of being around my family . . . fucking mindnumbing.

    Consider yourself lucky.

  16. J., when you put it that way, I consider myself quite lucky. Have a good time!

  17. i'm sure it's just a funk, hon. everyone has them. they don't last.

  18. Maybe people think you look sad 'cause you're getting old and your face is sagging. I said maybe.


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